ignorance is bliss...

Well, I had a minor crisis last night... my computer crashed. I kinda' saw it coming, the funny noises at start up the stranger than normal smells coming from behind the computer box. The midsentence freeze my computer did without allowing itself to start back up, irregardless of my best efforts to revitalize it. No, I'm afraid this was somewhat expected. Unexpected however, was my ability to make a reliable guess as to what exactly went wrong. You see, I've been suspecting that my fan on the motherboard would fail pretty soon, and believe it or not I think that's what actually happened.

Due to the faint odor of an iron being used for the first time in months, I deduced that the fan burnt out, and in doing so was allowing the computer to run far too hot. As a result, I had a system malfunction. My question to anyone who:
1. cares
2. knows anything about computers
is simply, assuming it is the fan... do I just go buy a new fan, or is this most likely endemic of something much larger, more sinister... say a shorted motherboard. In which case I guess I have to replace the motherboard. Or do I have to replace both motherboard and fan regardless of damage done to the motherboard, as they work hand in hand. Or am I just crazy and this is something much worse.

As of now, I'm living in the ignorant bliss of feeling secure in a very limited understanding on the inner workings of computers and the conclusions that ignorance has brought me to. At any rate, if someone must burst my bubble go right on ahead.

This computer has sucked from day one!!

shea

too pooped to pucker... or am I?

I'm incredibly tired. It's only september 19th... and my heavy load of schoolwork hasn't even started yet. This does not bode well for our hero.

finally... I'm up to date.

So as promised, my trip to jacksonville is now a matter of record. Now I can get on with the job of writing down the current thoughts and matters that go along every day, buzzing through my head. And now the all the nameless faces and fingers dancing, and sliding over their keyboards can gaze upon my life and make fun of me and what I say behind my back, with the great assuredness that I'll never know what they're saying. What a beautiful thing the internet is.

Heading back to the corn states

It’s been a long day for the willis. Awfully long, as a matter of fact. There’s nothing that I’d like right now, (within reason) more than seeing my wife, and life -- as it appears -- is conspiring against me. If it’s not one thing it’s another, and it all ultimately culminates into a flight originally set to leave at 7:37p canceled. This leaves me with only one option jockey for position to get into the next flight. Usually this isn’t a problem when given proper notice, however FREAKIN’ AMERICAN AIRLINES decided that information dissemination wasn’t a high priority issue for their passengers. Hence, no notices were given. I’m sure if it weren’t for the kindly lady frustrated by the increasing informative mayhem that is the great communication conduit, American Airlines, I too would be watching this flight take off from the Miami D Terminal instead of on this plane, barely escaping the clutches of Miami International Airport.
Here I am on this flight with literally the last ticket available. I feel inextricably tied to one mr. Jimmy Buffet in Last mango in paradise and his last ticket out of Saigon. Miami International may not be Saigon, but I sure am glad I’m outta’ there.
Uncomfortably, I am sitting in this airline seat squished between the passing airline attendants who seem to enjoy without restraint careening into me as they pass by my seat, the very last in the airplane, and an extremely nice lady with two young boys, both of whom I fear will wake up with every deft stroke of my fingers upon the keypad – that is until the airline stewardesses drop what sounds like a 15 lb wieght from their little drink car – maybe my screen isn’t helping matters any (I just realized I can dramatically decrease the brightness of my screen, maybe he’ll sleep a little easier now.)

In case, I hadn’t mentioned this yet, I miss my wonderful bride. It’s true... I am being a pansy, but I miss my bride. I miss talking to her, looking at her, laughing with/at her, getting frustrated by things she says, pushing her buttons, and even hearing her get mad at me. I’ve decided that though this makes me a wussy, it is well with me to be so. The Reason you ask, Simple: I’m a newlywed and this is just what newlyweds do. Personally, I’d want it no other way.
The trip in a nutshell:
In full anticipation of what questions are to come I’m going to devise my answers right here, and right now.
1. How was your time in jacksonville? Awesome.
2. What did you do? All kinds of stuff.
3. How was it seeing your friends? Awesome.
4. Did you want to come back home? Look OUT!!! a baseball!!
It’s at this point that my great escape from the conversation will be made thereby evading any real emotional discussions concerning the great inescapable questions that invariably create such incredible tension between vacationing and transitioning back into reality.
Honestly, there’s still too much, too far from the surface to pull down onto the paper below... besides, I’m getting pooped out.

july 24

July 24th, 2006 – my dad’s birthday
My body is just on shutdown mode, and I could seriously take a nap right now. But, as a nap is not a feasible option I will write out my thoughts.
Shelby’s, I’ve missed this place. I’ve missed hoping for the best and not knowing what that may fully entail. It’s like being around the opening of a river mouth without a boat looking across the expanse and thinking to yourself, "I can do this. I can get across." Only to find yourself trudging through the middle of the river mouth looking across what seems to be an eternity of a river waiting on your first and last misstep, swallowing you whole into the blue depths of the awaiting ocean. Now, instead of drawing nearer to the shore with reckless abandon our hero hesitates in his jumps, he questions his ability to reach each rock and retain his safety, because no one wants to get swept up into the crushing ocean. Only doubts and fears are left to riddle the body of the confidence necessary to make the leaps of faith that just three rocks ago brought him to this lowly position. Feet seem like miles and the muscles are as tenable as the molecules of water passing below, by, and near his very feet. And that is precisely where I am at today. It’s almost like someone just took me out of the river temporarily so I could catch my breath (coming back), but now I’m going back.
I realize this isn’t the most optimistic view of my home base in Chicago and my time with my wife. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my wife – she’s not the problem. I’m the problem, I’m missing... ahh... It’s tough to explain, I’ve got too much to think about, too many balloons in the air, too much demanding my attention and all of tearing my attention away from the very woman that I want to give it all to! Why is that something I’ve allowed to happen to me. When did I let my time spin so far out of control? Unfortunately, that’s not a question I have an answer to, what I do have, however, is an answer. It’s time to take my own advice and cut the fat before I get choked out because of it. No amount of opportunity or money should ever endeavor me to give up on loving my wife with the reckless abandon I began with. Do I know what I’m going to do when I graduate? Do I know what I want to do... what about what ‘we’ want to do? Do I know how I’m going to support my family through this last little bit of school or am I playing with fire and allowing myself to get deeper in debt without hope of finishing or being clear? Simply, I must say no. I just don’t know what I’m doing. After all, I’ve never done this before I’ve never given this much of myself. But what I have done is trust the lord to clear up the dark places in my mental picture. He hasn’t let me down yet, and I have no reason to believe he ever will – so I see this next rock in the river and none others, but that being what it is, I’m still going to press onward, charge forward, surge ahead of he crowd through dangerous waters. Why? Because that’s what my wife deserves... because that’s what the Lord has blessed me with, and because I Refuse to be a bystander watching the Lord pour out his blessing on the bold spirits who were willing to trust in him completely.

I’m far above the clouds today and all I can think of is my life on the ground. It’s a strange phenomenon this business of being in love and connected to a woman so intimately that you need her, and when she’s not around you feel alone, disconnected and to some extent lost in the world without a cause or preoccupation that could ever fully fill the void that comes with every passing mile on this long journey through the air from Chicago to Miami. It’s funny, the very mention of the route "Chicago to Miami" brings her to mind. Maybe I’m crazy and this is simply the exasperation that comes with long miles and too much time alone with thoughts that don’t do anyone a lick of good. I do think it’s nice having this laptop though. There’s nothing like being able to write while the idea is still fresh in my mind.
It’s exciting though. This flying business that is. It’s exciting because your weightless , or at least that’s how it feels, it’s as though there’s nothing that can touch you here – as though the world has fallen away and the evils on the ground are far, far from where you sit. That’s the funny thing about isolation, it’s safe – though you have no right to feel that way whatsoever.
I’m going home today to see my family, my friends, my haunts, and taking the chance that my haunts will unfortunately find me as well. But regardless what happens, and who I may run into, this will be a geat trip. An experience to write home about is never a bad thing no matter what happened in the process, getting to that point. I hope my expectations aren’t set so high that they can’t be met, but really, what’s the point of having a great vacation/re-connection if you don’t let yourself get excited about it.
Well, I think I’m about to lose whatever little battery I had to begin this trip (3 hours my foot), so I’m going to end this entry of my trip journal. So with great joy and the intrepid spirit that brings men to the point of being willing to pee in the trough at baseball games, I’m signing off. Until I find a source of power – salu!!!

I’m far above the clouds today and all I can think of is my life on the ground. It’s a strange phenomenon this business of being in love and connected to a woman so intimately that you need her, and when she’s not around you feel alone, disconnected and to some extent lost in the world without a cause or preoccupation that could ever fully fill the void that comes with every passing mile on this long journey through the air from Chicago to Miami. It’s funny, the very mention of the route "Chicago to Miami" brings her to mind. Maybe I’m crazy and this is simply the exasperation that comes with long miles and too much time alone with thoughts that don’t do anyone a lick of good. I do think it’s nice having this laptop though. There’s nothing like being able to write while the idea is still fresh in my mind.
It’s exciting though. This flying business that is. It’s exciting because your weightless , or at least that’s how it feels, it’s as though there’s nothing that can touch you here – as though the world has fallen away and the evils on the ground are far, far from where you sit. That’s the funny thing about isolation, it’s safe – though you have no right to feel that way whatsoever.
I’m going home today to see my family, my friends, my haunts, and taking the chance that my haunts will unfortunately find me as well. But regardless what happens, and who I may run into, this will be a geat trip. An experience to write home about is never a bad thing no matter what happened in the process, getting to that point. I hope my expectations aren’t set so high that they can’t be met, but really, what’s the point of having a great vacation/re-connection if you don’t let yourself get excited about it.
Well, I think I’m about to lose whatever little battery I had to begin this trip (3 hours my foot), so I’m going to end this entry of my trip journal. So with great joy and the intrepid spirit that brings men to the point of being willing to pee in the trough at baseball games, I’m signing off. Until I find a source of power – salu!!!