Have we failed?

Recently, I found myself traveling through the myriad of friends I have on facebook, glancing at photos of the once young and innocent faces of students I taught or had an effect on during their high school years. I check these periodically, in a possibly sadistic effort to validate the work that I've done in the lives of students. I say "sadistic" because before I've ever typed in a name, I know what I'm bound to find - it will only validate my admittance into a league of first rate failures, struggling with the loss of multiple generations to Beer Pong, latent adolescence, sex, drugs, and emo.

The students that I see on FB are obsessed with partying their lives into oblivion and then posting pictures of each other passed out in awkward positions, in awkward places, or just doing generally awkward things. For many of my former students, college has become a play-land of life without consequences. I think to myself, "what on Earth went wrong?" and then I realize, they're not the first generation to feel and live this way - they are simple next in along line of sinners, walking from a simple truth that must not be true, because truth is supposed to be complicated.

This got me to thinking. Why is it exactly that students walk away from their faith? Who does the blame lie with? Is it the college? What about the student? Is it the parents? The Youth Pastors? The church? Who deserves the credit for ruining the next generation of the Church? (I write this somewhat tongue in cheek, because I don't really think the next generation of the church is ruined, more on that later.)
My answer is simple: "Yes."

You see the answers you'll get depend quite a bit on the people you ask. If you ask a parent, they'll tell you some highly unreliable statistic about youth walking away from their faith and implicate the church or youth ministry for not teaching the bible the way it needed to be taught. If you ask the church leader, they'll very graciously place the blame on the family or school. Finally, if you ask the youth pastor, they'll tell you, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening I was trying to figure out how to make our youth group cool [which it won't be]." You see, it is rare that anyone will look in the mirror and see for the first time who is really at fault... We all are at fault - but not in the way you may be thinking.

It is my observation that there are 3 major components that go into a student walking away from His or Her faith once they've gone to college [College isn't one of them].
First, let's demystify "college" shall we? Simply put, college is the baptism of life - it is the outward expression of an inward decision. The freedom of thought and expression, of time and friendships found in the college years of a student's life incubate and birth the student's repressed desires for or from their belief system. Put another way, it is the petri dish in which everything grows.

That said, let's look at what affects the decisions of a student in college:
1. Parental situation
I've been working with youth for quite a while now, and I've seen kids from bad families walkaway from their faith as well as the kids from good ones. The opposite is true as well though - it is a contributing factor, but in no way is it the only factor. A student who watches believing parents go through traumatic family situations is going to have their faith tested to it's very core. There is no amount of human support from friends, loved ones, family, or pastors that can in any way replace the relationship they'll have to their parents. Losing a parent to divorce, death, or a loveless marriage will undoubtedly affect the student's long term outlook on the meaningfulness or meaninglessness of their once affirmed faith.
2. Faith Expressed
How challenged are students, really? Is their faith tested constantly. Are they challenged to stand up and be more than underlings of the church or are they relegated to the basement rooms as the cast-aways of the church? Do youth pastors engage the culture directly or are they too consumed with the order of programming or the planning of the spring fling, moderately interesting, but mostly boring retreat? I see this happen in my own ministry - a sense of satisfaction with a youth group that does the same stuff every year, growing because of babies growing older not conversions of the lost. Youth pastors have become in many ways like the horsemen of Rohan, lulled into a lost stupor killing us slowly as opposed to failing spectacularly. Our lack of willingness to try something untested - to go out on a limb and fail spectacularly is costing the students we purport to love so much.

As ridiculous as it sounds, we (I) have to be willing to stop teaching and actually get our hands dirty on a regular basis. Not just once a quarter but once a month... once a week! If we want our students to understand what faith is when they leave, they have to know how to use before they go! It is incumbent upon us (youth pastors) to give their faith feet, so they can walk and eventually run to win!

If we do this, we will inevitably lose some church kids. But really, wouldn't we rather lose them in a controlled environment over the one with no support, or parental oversight?

3. Friends
The purpose of the youth group is not - as believed - to make good friends. It's to learn to make good friends. A youth group is a testing ground, just like school. Yes, I believe they'll learn some good lessons that in 10 years they may actually remember, but somehow I doubt it. What they'll really learn is who "good" friends are and how to become one who is truly known, and truly loved.

Recently, I did a survey of my own students (middle schoolers) of all my eighth grade students my most popular student put this down, "I wish I had a good friend." How sad is that? If we do not teach them the work necessary to make lasting relationships that will bring them closer to Christ (both didactically and observationally), you can mark my words: THEY WILL WALK AWAY! Ultimately, they'll make friends with someone, and that someone will know how to get them to do all the stuff that will be fun and it will inevitably destroy your son or daughter.

---

So where do we go from here?

We pursue our students. We live righteous lives, and find righteous friendships. Dad's find other men to speak into their lives, and invite their sons along for that ride. Parents pursue your spouse with reckless abandon - your child will watch with a subdued joy to see that love expressed and will relish in the security it communicates. Pastors and parents challenge the students to step up and become the church that they've been called to become.

Have we failed... not yet?