the stickiness of forgiveness

As of right now, this blog finds me without a job, but with a place to sleep. A week ago, I was without both a job and a place to sleep, so I guess things are improving some. On Wednesday of last week I was driving to sign the contracts for our new place when a song came of the radio that reminded me of a good summer years ago. The memory made me smile as I think fondly of that summer. But as it inevitably does my mind progressed through winter into the spring when the lusts of my body overcame the sensibilities of purity. I have long since forgiven myself for those days and sins, and I know the Lord has forgiven me as well. What I have come to find out though is that sin has stickiness to it. It’s like some sort of snail, as the creature retreats he leaves his gooey trail to show the world his direction and his intention.

It’s sad that forgiveness doesn’t mean purity regained. It only means repair. I’m sad that I’ll never be able to look on that summer with the eyes of June, July and August. From this day to that my eyes are be-speckled with the haze of December, January, and March, and there is nothing that I can do to make that haze disappear. Unlike the snail slime, sin’s sludge does not retreat easily; it does not shrivel with the application of salt or pesticides rather it just sits – its remnant dissipating slowly, never totally cleaned or removed until the day we die and meet our maker in heaven.

How strange that I can forgive and be forgiven but never fully be washed of its effects. What’s done is done and there’s no taking it back. The Lord must grieve over that fact. I’m sure he must every time he thinks of the good mingling amid the bad, it must make him so sad that all that was once beautiful, pure and right has decayed even ever slightly into shades of less than perfect. I grieve with you lord, and I wait with baited anticipation the day when the colors of this world will no longer be muddied and yellowed by the sin. Only the brilliance and purity of your glory will shine, and then I will once again be happy.