with you here...

Last night was the hallmark sanctioned Valentine's day holiday. It's the kind of thing that I generally avoid with ninja-like stealth. However, this year we celebrated our valentine's day on valentine's day for one very important reason: Misti won't happen to be here for our Valentine's day, which, as it so happens is why I'm writing this blog.

I miss my wife. I realize I feel this way every time she leaves for anything she has to go to. But, it's lonely coming home to a warm, but empty apartment. I'm used to her, shuttling around the apartment like a patriot missle hunting down a SCUD. I'm used to her opening the door when I come home and giving me a kiss, or a hug, or telling me the crazy thing that happened to her on the way to market... even when she's mad at me when I walk in the door, at least she says my name and hello (even if what follows isn't very enticing). But now the apartment is just empty. It's silent here, and unlike Jonesy I don't play WoW, so I can't fill my time with that.

It's a starke reality to find out that you've come to depend on someone else for even the smallest inconsequential things, like greeting me when I come to the door. I pulled out dinner tonight Tater Tots, Seasoned french fries, peas, and two pre-marinated chicken breasts. I don't have the desire to do something exciting like cook a meal that I'd be proud of, or that even would provide proper nutrition. I really miss my wife.

For years, my mom used to freak out when my dad would go out on buisness trips. She'd lock all the windows and doors, stay up until all hours of the night, not let myself or my sister leave the house or spend the night out at a friends house. I never understood why she'd go so nutso when he'd leave, but I think now I can understand it. Misti's gone on trips to visit her family a number of times since we've been married, and being alone never gets any easier for me... quite the opposite, the longer I know her, the more I miss her. My parents have been married for more years than I can recall and it makes sense to me how attached my mom is to my dad, I hope I don't make my kids stay home with me, but I also hope I never get comfortable with my wife being gone.

I heard a song on my Itunes that pretty much sums it up. It's by Nickel Creek off This Side, the song is called "Hanging by a thread" (incidentally, this is an excellent CD to anyone who appreciates Nickel Creek). Though the whole song really resonates with how I'm feeling, the chorus in particular gets down to the point. With you here, baby I am strong, no sign of weakness. With you gone, baby I am hanging by a thread.

I sure do miss my wife.