A Life In Motion

Art in motion

2011-10-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

I am a busy guy. There's really no getting around the fact of it. I spend a good majority of my day doing things that perpetually keep me tied up. My evenings are spent at home or in ministry somewhere. My nights are spent either studying doing the work I didn't get done earlier, or watching something on the TV. I wake up the next day and do it all over again.

I guess there's nothing really wrong with this scenario, except for a serious lack of sleep (self induced). My guess, is that people have been living this way for some time. As long as the schedule has existed, I'm sure people have squandered away time that could otherwise be used and appropriated for more beneficial things. At least, that's what I assume to be true.

I got a wake up call on Tues. Why do I insist on wasting my life doing the things that are unimportant? Why do I feel compelled to miss out on the greatest things in life while chasing after shadows? For instance, I haven't painted since last Christmas. I haven't created art for the simple of joy of expression since I was in Greenville. How can this be? How is it that something I'm so intrinsically tied to can be deemed a waste of time, energy and enthusiasm?

An upheaval is coming... I can feel it. As much as I attempt to scratch the itch, it just comes back even more itchy than before. I don't know how I'm going to pull it off, but I have to paint again... I have to create again. I'm better when I'm creating; I'm smarter, more confident, I'm more joyful... in all actuality, I'm doing one of the things I was created to do.

Have we failed?

2011-03-30T23:14:00.000-07:00

Recently, I found myself traveling through the myriad of friends I have on facebook, glancing at photos of the once young and innocent faces of students I taught or had an effect on during their high school years. I check these periodically, in a possibly sadistic effort to validate the work that I've done in the lives of students. I say "sadistic" because before I've ever typed in a name, I know what I'm bound to find - it will only validate my admittance into a league of first rate failures, struggling with the loss of multiple generations to Beer Pong, latent adolescence, sex, drugs, and emo.

The students that I see on FB are obsessed with partying their lives into oblivion and then posting pictures of each other passed out in awkward positions, in awkward places, or just doing generally awkward things. For many of my former students, college has become a play-land of life without consequences. I think to myself, "what on Earth went wrong?" and then I realize, they're not the first generation to feel and live this way - they are simple next in along line of sinners, walking from a simple truth that must not be true, because truth is supposed to be complicated.

This got me to thinking. Why is it exactly that students walk away from their faith? Who does the blame lie with? Is it the college? What about the student? Is it the parents? The Youth Pastors? The church? Who deserves the credit for ruining the next generation of the Church? (I write this somewhat tongue in cheek, because I don't really think the next generation of the church is ruined, more on that later.)
My answer is simple: "Yes."

You see the answers you'll get depend quite a bit on the people you ask. If you ask a parent, they'll tell you some highly unreliable statistic about youth walking away from their faith and implicate the church or youth ministry for not teaching the bible the way it needed to be taught. If you ask the church leader, they'll very graciously place the blame on the family or school. Finally, if you ask the youth pastor, they'll tell you, "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening I was trying to figure out how to make our youth group cool [which it won't be]." You see, it is rare that anyone will look in the mirror and see for the first time who is really at fault... We all are at fault - but not in the way you may be thinking.

It is my observation that there are 3 major components that go into a student walking away from His or Her faith once they've gone to college [College isn't one of them].
First, let's demystify "college" shall we? Simply put, college is the baptism of life - it is the outward expression of an inward decision. The freedom of thought and expression, of time and friendships found in the college years of a student's life incubate and birth the student's repressed desires for or from their belief system. Put another way, it is the petri dish in which everything grows.

That said, let's look at what affects the decisions of a student in college:
1. Parental situation
I've been working with youth for quite a while now, and I've seen kids from bad families walkaway from their faith as well as the kids from good ones. The opposite is true as well though - it is a contributing factor, but in no way is it the only factor. A student who watches believing parents go through traumatic family situations is going to have their faith tested to it's very core. There is no amount of human support from friends, loved ones, family, or pastors that can in any way replace the relationship they'll have to their parents. Losing a parent to divorce, death, or a loveless marriage will undoubtedly affect the student's long term outlook on the meaningfulness or meaninglessness of their once affirmed faith.
2. Faith Expressed
How challenged are students, really? Is their faith tested constantly. Are they challenged to stand up and be more than underlings of the church or are they relegated to the basement rooms as the cast-aways of the church? Do youth pastors engage the culture directly or are they too consumed with the order of programming or the planning of the spring fling, moderately interesting, but mostly boring retreat? I see this happen in my own ministry - a sense of satisfaction with a youth group that does the same stuff every year, growing because of babies growing older not conversions of the lost. Youth pastors have become in many ways like the horsemen of Rohan, lulled into a lost stupor killing us slowly as opposed to failing spectacularly. Our lack of willingness to try something untested - to go out on a limb and fail spectacularly is costing the students we purport to love so much.

As ridiculous as it sounds, we (I) have to be willing to stop teaching and actually get our hands dirty on a regular basis. Not just once a quarter but once a month... once a week! If we want our students to understand what faith is when they leave, they have to know how to use before they go! It is incumbent upon us (youth pastors) to give their faith feet, so they can walk and eventually run to win!

If we do this, we will inevitably lose some church kids. But really, wouldn't we rather lose them in a controlled environment over the one with no support, or parental oversight?

3. Friends
The purpose of the youth group is not - as believed - to make good friends. It's to learn to make good friends. A youth group is a testing ground, just like school. Yes, I believe they'll learn some good lessons that in 10 years they may actually remember, but somehow I doubt it. What they'll really learn is who "good" friends are and how to become one who is truly known, and truly loved.

Recently, I did a survey of my own students (middle schoolers) of all my eighth grade students my most popular student put this down, "I wish I had a good friend." How sad is that? If we do not teach them the work necessary to make lasting relationships that will bring them closer to Christ (both didactically and observationally), you can mark my words: THEY WILL WALK AWAY! Ultimately, they'll make friends with someone, and that someone will know how to get them to do all the stuff that will be fun and it will inevitably destroy your son or daughter.

---

So where do we go from here?

We pursue our students. We live righteous lives, and find righteous friendships. Dad's find other men to speak into their lives, and invite their sons along for that ride. Parents pursue your spouse with reckless abandon - your child will watch with a subdued joy to see that love expressed and will relish in the security it communicates. Pastors and parents challenge the students to step up and become the church that they've been called to become.

Have we failed... not yet?

bath time...

2009-10-21T19:21:00.001-07:00

Ella is so stinking cute at bath time! She just smiles and smiles and says all kinds of things that I can't understand. Probably something along the line of "I sure wish this water was a couple of degrees warmer, it's slightly a chill on my bum." But that's just a guess since I don't speak baby.

my experiment isn't a total loss...

2009-10-20T13:55:00.000-07:00

Well, my little experiment in discipline and blogging has turned out to be a failure. 4 days into it I experienced my first major setback - Misti came home. Though it was cause for great joy, it also got me to bed much earlier than I had been bedding down before. With great gusto I prepared to announce my defeat but bravely soldier on to the finish line the next evening. All that soldiering on was totally intended but the follow through was lacking once I got ill after Sunday night's youth group message. As the minutes counted down I found myself sliding deeper and deeper into the dark abyss of "OH No... Not Strep!" which turned out to not be strep and instead has manifest itself into some very wearisome head cold. Therefore the last two days have kinda' been a wash.

But here I am moving forward - head cold and all - to complete the task before me.

It has been wonderful (even considering the aforementioned illnesses) having Misti and Ella back. I LOVE my little daughter. She smiles all the time and it brings me immeasurable amounts of satisfaction that Ella will do her "Ohh..." trick for me, and not Misti. And I am continually astounded at my wife's innate ability to mother. She's astounding! At any rate, time for some Chick-Fil-A.

Things I love... apart from the obvious.

2009-10-16T22:56:00.001-07:00

1. Good Food.
2. Good Film.
3. Good Television.
4. Good Sport.

(not necessarily in that order)

Tonight, I had 4 of the 4 which from the standpoint of enjoyment makes this night a roaring success. I will work backwards.

I had chili that is about 2.5 days past its prime. Not so good, but I watched an episode of Psych and Burn Notice - 2 of my favorite television shows on the DVR. Those can make a bad meal not feel like so much of a waste.

Before the Chili incident I went to the movies with my students which served as a bonus because as we all know doing anything with friends is a major plus. I went to see Where the Wild Things Are on opening night. It's the first opening night I've been to since Star Wars 3. I must say it didn't disappoint, however I wouldn't go planning any trips to see it with individuals under 14. Though it may be rated PG, it is well over the head of most PG level children. But that is beside the point; I thought the movie was beautiful, well acted, and extremely well written. I feel like I could have watched that movie with my friends in Jax. and we would have been able to have quite the lively conversation to follow. And yes, the Monsters are scary but in that creepy David Bowie, Labrynth, sort of way.

Preceding the movie, I played a robust round of Disc Golf and had a wonderful time after joining in with 2 gentleman I had never met before in my life (I will call them Charlotte Bob and Big Philly, since I forgot their names pretty much immediately and they were from Charlotte and Philadelphia respectively. As you've probably guessed the guy from Philly was rather large and the guy from charlotte mentioned another disc golfer named Bob McDonald.)

Fortunately, for the Chili it didn't have to live up to the hype of it's peak performance because I had 2 of the most heavenly, delicious hotdogs sold on the face of the earth. To those in the know that is without doubt a Sandy's Chili Dog with the onions. It is one of only 2 dining establishments I know of that smells as good post meal as it does pre meal. I'm not sure how they do it, but my hat's off to both Sandy's and Tacos Del Rey for their fine dining smells.

All in all, a wonderful day off. Tomorrow brings an early breakfast with students (7:30) and a canoe trip for the other portion of the day. As a bit of an aside my canoe is nearly as wide as my white Ford Explorer XLT. I think I could do Jumping jacks on that thing and not flip it over.

Cheers.

Things I love... apart from the obvious.

2009-10-16T22:32:00.001-07:00

Day 2

2009-10-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

Day 2 of 7. Technically, I've already lost this challenge... Philosophically, my day doesn't actually end until i go to bed. I.E. challenge still a success.

I don't know why this has been bothering me but I was watching Top Gear (excellent T.V. show) on BBC America, when up starts the commercial break. Although I successfully managed to fast forward through most of the commercials (still a little slow at the reflexology of DVR), I would always catch a few seconds of the first commercial, an ad promoing the British Movie of the Week to which my first thought is "Great wonder what that will be?"

In my naivete, I wrongly assumed that for the British movie of the Week they might choose something, I don't know... British in theme? So many to choose from (literally), but let's face it the obvious answer to this question has to be The Hunt For Red October.

Truly there is nothing More British than a movie written by a prolific and unabashedly American author about a Russian Submarine captain defecting from the Russian military into American waters chased by American Admirals!

Hmmm... maybe they're just excited they finally get to stick it to the Ruskis by showing their finest submarine admiral had a British accent. Way to go Brits!! (I'm sorry if I've offended any Ruskis.)

In other news... Reign of Fire might be the worst movie I've seen the last 28 min. of - ALL TIME!! And yet, I've still watched all 28 min.

My thursday evenings are sad.

I can't wait until Misti and Ella get home.

internet part 2

2009-10-14T20:21:00.000-07:00

Last time I blogged, I was pretty excited about having the internet. I had this suspicion that I might actually be more consistent in my blogging. That has obviously not been the case. So, in an effort to work on my very lackluster discipline, I'm going to set a specific, achievable, practical, and measurable goal for my situation. I'm going to blog for one week without fail. If I fail... hmm... I can't think of what I'll do, but I'll do something...

This week at a glance (so far)...
1. Gave plasma for the first time and it wasn't nearly as lucrative as you may think. But it will still be worth my time from this point forward. Give 2x a week and earn some pittance that can go toward my astronomical gas bill.
2. First Sunday that I did my own message to the youth - Magnifying grace - It was pretty much a rip off of what my church in Greenville did for their core values series. I thought it was so good, I decided to to do it myself! Good thing too, we saw 2 students come to know Christ! Now to disciple them...
3. Misti left town - which has meant a ridiculously out of balance schedule. I'm getting a taste of what life would be like without her and Ella, and it's not pretty.
4. Lots of prep work that makes me feel like I'm not getting anything done for the Youth group.
5. Discouragement in the wake of seeing Jesus move. This is the inevitable curse of the evangelist.

I love sharing the gospel. It is literally a fun activity for me, and yet after the rush of the experience comes the inevitable lows, at which point comes the attack from the evil one. My Spirit is attacked at it's lowest, which means lies and accusations - lazy, no one really likes you, you're not actually doing your job, you're not living up to God's expectations, blah, blah... blah, blah! It's depressing and being alone without Misti isn't helping any. I've stayed pure, my mind hasn't been roaming for something poisonous to devour - I guess, mostly my spirit is lonely. This is one of those times when having friends would be nice.

You know, it just occurred to me that I fell right smack dab into the trap. I've been so morose in my cold house that I haven't thought of anyone or anything else. Just my own sorry state. Sure it'd be nice to have friends that I can hang with, but I don't! I guess it's time to get over it and spend some time with Jesus instead.

back in action...

2009-09-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Ahh... I love the internet. We've just returned to the land of the technologically connected. For the first time EVER I am actually paying for both cable and internet. After 2 years of stealing...ahem... borrowing the free wifi internet signal from the blockhouse behind our apartment in greenville, and a month and a half of living in a virtual stoneage (slight exaggeration) - we've been broken down.

It's good to be back, loads has happened. Misti and I have had a baby!!! I got a job in youth Ministry!!! We moved away from all our friends in Greenville to move to Columbia for my youth ministry opportunity. Whooo...

And now you're moderately up to date.

Once in columbia with a 2 week old child, I totaled my car. So we were down to the Subaru... Great. Fortunately in the time between my car getting totaled and Misti's trip to Jacksonville my dad bought a used car from my aunt unbeknownst to both Misti and I. He called me up to say, "I bought your aunt Jan's car, you just need to go pick it up." (Thanks again Dad.) I thought, "Awesome!"

On whim, I went to check out airline tickets to fly out to Atlanta. I found a ticket for 200$, 252$ and then one for 58$. I decided to fly out that tuesday and bought the ticket 4 days earlier. 3 Days before I was scheduled to fly out of Charlotte (2 hr. drive from Columbia) and 5 days before Misti was scheduled to leave for Jacksonville, the Subaru broke down. Now we're down to zero cars.

Fortunately, Sarah Bedi loves us and came to the rescue. While we were trying to get Misti's car fixed we were able to use Sarah's car, so I was able to fly out to Atlanta to pick up my aunt's '97 explorer (which I love!) and drive it back to Columbia. With just two days to spare before Misti left town to Jacksonville, a friend from the church helped me fix the subaru for the cost of parts, another friend from the church who owned the repair shop that I towed it to looked over our repairs and cleared me for take off.

Misti was able to drive down and back to Jacksonville without a hitch, and I was able to drive up 3 students and 1 adult 3 hours north to go white water rafting in my new explorer xlt that very weekend. Needless to say, it's been a busy couple of weeks. Regardless how busy it's been, I am continually being blessed by the Lord through his Church... and continue to be impressed with the results that come from humbling myself and my pride before the Lord and asking for help. Thank you for all these opportunities that allow me to exibit the humility you are teaching me Lord. I'm enjoying the lessons.

More keys please!

2008-11-26T09:47:00.000-08:00

What a tremendous vacation. I love coming down to the keys. Pictures will follow.

We drove down on Friday morning leaving at 4am... i drove the first half (3hrs), Misti drove the last 2 hours. We got to J'ville spent some time with friends had a great day and left the next day (sat.) at 1:00pm. Understand, that as trips with the Willis family go, getting out of the house and on the road by 1:00 or 2:00 pm, isn't all that bad. Granted it's not all that good since we were aiming for 10:00am, but you take what you can get.

After 6 hours of driving, we arrived in Ft. Pierce. The going was slowed tremendously by the boat accompanying our caravan. We stopped more often for gas and went quite a bit slower than I would like, whilst traveling down I-95. We eventually did make it back to down to my Aunt and Uncle's place which was a welcomed relief from the mind numbing boredom of driving.

Sunday, we went and had church with our friends Nic and Laura, and got to play with little Rani (pronounced rah-knee). For dinner it was your favorite and mine... Chipotle... mmmm... chipotle.... Played some games, had some laughs, and watched the 24 season premiere, which wasn't all that bad. I don't know if it's something I'm super thrilled to get into, but I've watched far worse for far less of a reason.

Monday... Finally! Here we were driving down probably one of the only roads in america with an alligator crossing. I love it. Mangroves everywhere, blue-turquoise water, white sand beaches, and the water gently lapping along the coastline drive. The weather could not be any more perfect, and the fishing has been fun. I get sea sick, so I can't go out deep sea, or even not so deep sea. So, I'm stuck with the back water, and the dock. So far, this is what I've caught:
1. Mangrove snapper
2. Puffer fish
3. a reef fish of indeterminate origin
4. a bird

The last of these unfortunately, was the end to my day of fishing in the keys. Not exactly what I'd call a stellar outing so far. However, I still have friday, and tonight to redeem myself, hopefully I can come through in the clutch.

Nothing is Random in the House of God...

2008-11-09T11:11:00.000-08:00

Earlier Tuesday, I met with the Pastor from Iowa and after I left our lunch appointment I saw that I had missed a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. Keeping in mind all the craziness of the last couple months this didn't seem all that out of place to have a phone number I didn't recognize without a voicemail. So without any further delay, I called the number back and spoke to a women who definitely didn't sound like a pastor by any means.

In that abrasive (not sultry, sweet) southern accent, She demanded immediately my name and I told her. [I've attached a picture of what I immediately thought she must look like.] I was about to apologize to her for the inconvenience and be done with the whole thing, when she half-heartedly apologized for calling me, saying her daughter was in the hospital with some back issues and she's been really crazy lately (I kept my mouth shut, and repented for the thought that immediately came to my mind.)

For some reason, instead of apologizing in return, I felt like I needed to ask her if I could pray for her and her daughter. As the words, "can I pray for you and your daughter?" were escaping my lips she retorted back accusingly, "Did I spleep with you last night or something?" I blurt out a chuckle and had an all over body shiver at the mere thought of such a suggestion. I persevered though.

I re-asked if I could pray for her and her daughter and she sat astounded. She said, please do - and also to pray for her grandbaby who was 3 months old and died of SIDS. Appearently both mom and grandma have been taking it very hard. As I prayed for them I got to remind her (and myself) of the Lord being in control and got to see first hand what being Jesus to the world looks like (even in such a small dose as this.)

We talked for 15-20 minutes as I drove on back to work. I got to comfort her and see grace change this woman's heart with every second that passed in our conversation. It reminded me that if I'm about Jesus... Then I have to be about what Jesus is all about! John 1 tells me that Jesus is all about Glorifying the Father, and that he's all about Being grace and truth to a world that's harsh and full of lies.

For the first time in a while, I got to be a mouthpiece of Jesus' grace and truth to someone when it wasn't easy, when it wasn't what I wanted to do and was fairly inconvenient and insulting. Man, it felt so good!

Hail to the Chief...

2008-11-09T11:00:00.000-08:00

Well, it's official... Barack is my new President. He wasn't my first choice, as previously blogged (or for that matter, my second choice), but he is my president. As such, I am committing to pray for wisdom for my president elect.

I'm a pretty positive thinking guy to begin with so it's not hard for me to see this as a glass half full kind of thing. However, we'll see how he does.

I've been reminded of the Lord's ultimate soveriegnty in all this and I'm suddenly cool with the results. Because good or bad the Lord has ordained Barack to be the next president of the United States, whether he's teaching us a lesson by allowing us to choose for ourselves the next King Ahab (1 kings 16), or he's chosen to give us the next King Hezekiah to heal the hurt of this land. Regardless, I'm excited to see the movements the Lord is ushering in to this world through the election of our new president.

Welcome to the Whitehouse Mr. Obama, we're counting on you to lead us well.

Voting Day blues...

2008-11-09T10:29:00.000-08:00

So there I was performing my civic duty to the country helping to elect the next president of the United States, and everything was going just superbly. I really like the new voting ballot system. I think those guys who develop this stuff did an awesome job in developing a system that was easy to use and fairly efficient (especially considering the ridiculous voter turn out that we saw this year.)

Everything went as expected until I tried to turn in my vote. I made my choices and picked my amendments - I thoughtfully debated the value of increasing the legal age of sexual consent to 18 if unmarried and made my decision known. There was one issue however, that I just would not vote. Looking back on the situation it all seems absurd, but due to the nature of my own blinding stubborness, I decided that I didn't want the goof balls in washington to know whether I was republican, democrat, libertarian, green party, or nazi (I must have temporarily forgotten that I'm a registered Republican. hmm...) So when I read the first question and it said "vote straight: Republican, Democrat, Green, Liberatarian, etc." I chose not to think about what that might be saying. That is where my problems all began.

I tried to place my vote and the machine yelled at me! Seriously, it was "HEY DUMMY... YoU forgot to answer some questions... SO ANSWER THEM!!" Frankly, when a machine speaks so harshly I get flustered and lose what is called common sense. I go into a different world and from there base camp is installed, leaving the brain long behind. I thought to myself, "well, I guess if I have to put something down, I'd say I'm not really a Republican... I'd say I'm more of a Liberatarian." So, that's what I put down.

I pressed vote...
and the machine screamed at me again!

It said, "Are you sure?" To which I replied, "Indubidably you silly contraption." I pressed vote once more and was welcomed by a comforting screen that told me my ballot was cast.

The amazing part of this whole thing, is that I went in at 4:30 and was nearing back to work by 5:00. It only took 10 minutes!

2 hours later....

Misti called me and asked how my voting experience went, to which I replied "it was wonderful." She proceeded to ask me a question that would eventually change my whole outlook on my personal electoral experience. She asked, "So did you just vote straight ticket republican?" There was a brief pause as my brain began to run through the full implication of what just happened a short 2 hours earlier. My head fell and without any further adieu... I would like to introduce my presidential candidate: BOB BARR!!!

In the Latest Willis News

2008-11-09T10:21:00.000-08:00

Misti and I have lost our internet. It appears the transient life of renters has stolen from us our "free" wifi. So sad, so very sad. Misti and I are too cheap to go subscribe to the internet when we have a Panera bread and Starbucks within a 5 minute walk from our house. This of course means we are now relying on the spotty wifi access we get from the restraunteur caddy corner to our current residence. Speaking of which we probably ought to go eat there as some modicum of thanks for their help to our connectedness to the world wide web.

In other news, the interview/visit/retreat for the pastor from Iowa went really well. Thanks for coming to visit Scott, it was good finally getting to put a face to the ministry. We had many a good conversation and I think he was able to see much more clearly my heart for ministry. There's only such much you can say in 250 words or less to explicitly elucidate all the various passions that incorporate one's heart for any particular ministry.

More to come in other updates.

yes...

2008-11-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

A couple of things... first, I hate election time. I love what it's about, but I hate the political manueverings and political slime that seems to flow out their mouths like so much human waste slushing around a waste treatment plant. I'm starting to lose faith in the authenticity and goodness of these men and women (and I use that term very loosely), ultimately, they can't even uphold a simple promise to keep their campaigns free from the vitriolic rhetoric that they seem to love so much.

Sometimes, I wish Boone was running for president, I know for sure I can trust him.

Second, I have been really nervous for the last week. The last week has felt like 3 weeks all crammed into one week! It's not been any busier than normal, it's just that I found out last week that a particular pastor from Iowa is coming to the Upstate/Greenville area for a retreat/interview.
This normally would be fun, and I'm really trying to let it be fun and be myself... but, I haven't been. I've been stressing about it and since I have made it a point not to stress about anything, I'm being confronted with a set of feelings that I don't know how to handle all that well. If it wasn't for the fact that I feel like I'm in a constant state of wanting to yack all over the place, I don't think anyone would see any noticable difference in my countenance. My poor wife has had to put up with me this whole time (which only serves to remind me of how much of a blessing she is to me), somehow I'm always suprised by the fact that I feel sick as a dog after eating any meals no matter how meager or plain they may be. Gently, she reminds me that It's probably nerves and I'll be OK if I stop obsessing over the things I can't have any influence over. I guess that's why the Lord made us for each other.
I'm at starbucks (fivebucks as Dave calls it) drinking my... well, I was drinking my iced Passion Tea w/ 5 pumps of melon syrup, it's finished now. I've been going over questions to ask this pastor in an effort to better understand the church he's coming from and the Youth ministry they have. (maybe I should back this truck up and fill in some blanks...

...Misti and I feel called to youth ministry
...I have pursued this call to YM
...Church in Iowa called me and my references
...Pastor in Iowa seemed like a really cool guy that I could potentially work well with.
...Pastor in Iowa asked if it'd be Ok to visit with me while taking his miniretreat in Greenville.
...Next day he told me he had tickets to come to Greenville.
I think that pretty much sums it up.)

I've done as much as possible to keep my head and heart here in Greenville, to not project myself to a place that I'm not, to brace myself for rejection or acceptance... basically, to live content to worship God wherever he would position Misti and I so that we could work with laser intensity for His purposes, even if that means staying in Greenville indefinately. Still... it's not an easy prospect.
Well, after all this stressing and all these requests for prayer; after a week of being very aware of all my own personal failings and inadequicies I was confronted with comfort, assurance, confidence, and excitement for meeting this pastor. For the first time since he suggested coming down I don't feel apprehensive or nervous... I feel ready to show him who I am, and I can't tell you how proud I am of what he's going to see. (that probably sounds conceated, it's really not. The Lord's just done a ton of work in me and I've been stoked to watch it all happen. I can't wait to show it off a little.)

adventures in Driving the 14 passenger van

2008-10-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

I drive a 14 passenger van everyday for the company I work for. Today when I dropped off the kids at our facility one of the kids said to me, "thanks for the ride Mr. Shea" I realize there's nothing all that funny about that statement upon further review... the funny part was that he said it like I was some kind of taxi driver taking him to work. It gave me a good chuckle.

here's the picture as not quite promised

2008-09-21T16:49:00.000-07:00

serenity now!!!

2008-09-21T00:06:00.000-07:00

Not really serenity as much as it is catharsis. I'm working on a painting right now that's been sitting on my brain for nearly a year now. I'm not quite done with it (which means no pictures yet), but I'm almost done which is pretty cool. This particular painting is interesting because it's got the longest title I've ever given a painting, it's called "Goodbye Blue Skies - my personal farewell to Skip Baxter."

I should have it finished by tommorow so in the event that I do get it done - pictures will accompany my next blog... no promises though.

wow... can't say as I've done that before...

2008-09-07T14:21:00.001-07:00

So there I was, finally home from work when Misti reminded me that I hadn't gotten the sour cream I promised I'd get. So, plans changed and I headed back out into the car to get the sour cream from the ghetto Bi-Lo. Now keep in mind, not all bi-lo's are ghetto, but this one is ghetto.

This is how you can tell a ghetto Bi-Lo from non-ghetto Bi-Lo's (for that matter, I'd say this principle is fairly universal), Ghetto Bi-Lo's have wheel locks on their grocery carts so people can't take them out of the parking lot. In the event you don't know what these are I'll describe quickly. Now, there is a line creating a border around the parking lot, which when triggered, creates a mechanical reaction in the wheel well of the cart. In an instant the front wheels lock as a plastic shield drops down from the wheel well and covers the front tires. Interesting eh... well, maybe it's just me. But I digress.

Well, I pull up to the Bi-Lo parking lot where I park next to the cart coral. Walk in the store find the sour cream pay the cashier and leave the store to head back to my car, so I can go home and eat the delicious chili my wife made. But not so fast, I think that cashier may have short changed me... so I stop in the atrium with the automatic doors and count my money. Sure enough I was short changed 9 cents - not really worth fighting over so I'm about to leave when my eyes caught sight of the cart-wheel lock mechanism. Immediately the groaning question of "how does it work" buzzes through my mind.

I start out of the building diliberating over how this could work when I see an older gentleman who looks like he works at the Bi-Lo. This guy looked like he might know a thing or two about how things work since he had a name tag (though I couldn't tell from where), a jacket, a white shirt and some suspenders. Momentarily, I thought of asking him how it worked, but it started to dawn on me that I really didn't care all that much.

Somewhat disinterested I started walking to my parking space mindlessly looking off at the border of the Bi-Lo parking lot wondering "Is that the where the tire stops?" "What do baggers do when someone takes the cart past the line... way past the line?" "I wonder if the baggers like it or if they really hate having the wheel locks on there?" Amid my mental querry I walked up to the car, opened the door, and sat down. Something shook me from my mental wandering though - these seats feel wierd... in fact, why does my car smell like smoke?... uh oh... when did my interior go from grey cloth to beige leather?

ummm....

THIS ISN'T MY CAR!!! WHAT THE CRAP!!!

Now, how I ended up in someone elses car is beyond me, but I quickly realized that unless I pulled my butt up out of that car (and fast) I would be risking life and limb. I quickly walked over to my real vehicle and was astounded to find out that I managed to not only get in someone elses car but I got in a car 2 aisles away from my own vehicle, and the vehicle I got in resembled neither my own car or the subaru my wife drives!

Lord help me, I've finally lost my mind. Fortunately, that's all that was lost in this exchange... I really hate ghetto Bi-Lo!

idioms that don't work...

2008-09-07T13:34:00.000-07:00

Well, maybe this shouldn't be called "idioms that don't work..." seeing as I'm only referring to one idiom - Hail mary.

First of all, I should mention I think of things I should blog all the time, only I'm not near my computer, then I get near my computer and the moment has passed. Too bad. Well, today I saw what I saw and I realized, "hey, my computer is right in front of me... I think I will blog this."

So, I was watching a "best moments in college football" TV show while I was playing my guitar, and they had a BYU football highlight that was entitled something like Hail Mary. Hmm... Doesn't BYU stand for Brigham Young University, named after the disciple and close friend to John Smith the man who created the Mormon religion? The answer to that question is YES!! Maybe the people that come up with the name could have thought of something a little better... maybe Hail Mary, Martha, Rachel, and Dinah - but that's just a thought.

2008-01-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

I just heard one of the most ridiculous commercials I've ever heard. It said, "If you have a spot on your coat, you'll wash it out. If you find a spot on your couch you'd wash it out. If you find a spot on your lung, chances are you'll die!!!" Really? But doesn't EVERYONE have a 100% mortality rate?

The commercial goes on to say, "A spot on your lung means you have lung cancer, and if you have lung cancer there's an 85% chance you'll DIE!!!"

My question is, who are the 15% that don't ever die?

hmmm.

my latest painting...

2007-09-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

This is the latest painting I've been working on. I've posted both the painting that I'm doing and the picture I'm working from so you can see what I'm working on. This is actually one of the weakest parts of my repitiore so it's something I still working out. The next step once I get comfortable with landscape/plein aire painting is to start actually painting in the environment itself, using a photo only as record of place or visual cues I may be missing otherwise.

So far I like what I see. I just bought some paint today and it's really gotten me all fired up because it was EXACTLY what I needed to render the proper colors of this particular landscape (Hooker's green hue permanent). I figured maybe anyone looking might want to see a picture of the workup before it's done. There's still a long way to go on it, but it's now 1:50a and I'm getting sleepy... plus my back is starting to hurt. In case curiosity has engaged anyone reading this, I was listening/watching According to Jim while painting. This is a perfect thing to paint to since it's pretty mindless, drivel - more or less good background noise.

In other news, My team the FC Stragglers (soccer) are currently 1-0. We won last night in 4-3 victory over a team of Ukranians named "Battisti". This was an exciting beginning to my season until I found out that they may be the worst team in the league, in which case, we could be in some serious trouble for the rest of the season. We were really hoping they'd be more of a middle of the pack sort of team. Oh well, exercise is exercise there's nothing quite as nice as getting out there and mixing it up on the soccer pitch.

Pappa got a brand new bed.

2007-09-11T20:50:00.000-07:00

I recently just made a purchase... possibly the best major purchase I have ever made. I just bought a new bed with my lovely wife. I say me, because I financed it under my name. But let's face the facts, I'm definitely not the one making the big bucks to pay for it. It's what I like to call a "team" effort. Anyway, this bed is luxurious much more so than my hand me down car (which I love, and still purs like a decrepit cat... and sometimes smells a little funny when it goes anywhere with elevation), it's nicer than my rented home, and not nearly as nice as my wife's engagement ring. Basically, it's REALLY awesome. It's not so much that it's soft or firm... it's the fact that it's a TEMPURPEDIC!!! In case you don't know, a tempurpedic will make the idea of going to sleep change it's meaning for you. Back aches go away, the couch isn't as nice as it used to be, and I enjoy going to sleep. I still don't enjoy waking up but for an entirely different reason now.

I love my tempurpedic. If you have the wherewithall to purchase one... shea say get it!

2007-09-11T20:44:00.000-07:00

Very rarely do I watch Jay Leno. It's even more rare that I find him funny, however tonight one of his jokes hit pretty close to home and it made me think of boone.

He said, "Did you hear about the Hooter's waitress that got kicked off a southwest flight for wearing a skirt that was too short? (pause) How trashy do you really have to be to get kicked off a southwest flight... it's like getting kicked off the greyhound bus for being unhygenic."

I think only boone will truly appreciate the truth in that joke.

they call me Mr. Arnold...

2007-09-03T23:18:00.000-07:00

you may call me Benedict.

Tonight, I went to see the Clemson Tigers for my first time ever! This was also the first time I've ever seen them at Death Valley. It was such a wonderful game, a classic in the annals of ACC football. It was a victory for the underdog, for the underappreciated, and under rated. I read in one preseason mag, the Clemson tigers being rated 51st, behind the likes of South Carolina and Florida State. Tonight they looked like a top 20 team, and their defense looked unstoppable. My sincerest thanks to Jermaine for being kind enough to invite me to come to the game with him and enjoy college football at it's best. My thanks also to C love for teaching me why Clemson should be thought of as the greatest school on earth.

This does not however explain why I have changed my name to benedict arnold...

The Clemson Tigers pose a serious moral dilemma to me, they have this wonderful likableness to them that makes them very difficult to dislike. Even when I (as an FSU fan) would find myself on the losing end of a game with them... I'd actually be OK with losing to Clemson, sort of, "Well good for them!" kind of feeling... maybe that was just because I knew FSU was going to win the ACC anyway so it didn't matter, but I think it's because they're likable. This is in complete contrast with the Miami Hurricanes whom I loathe.

Now recently, I've been threatening to resign my allegiances from the FSU bandwagon and moving them to the Likes of Florida. There are many reasons for this which I feel I must outline in this blog, so that though the world may scoff at me, they will at least know why I did what I did. (these are mostly in order of importance to me)
Reasons for not rooting for FSU:
1. FSU has lost it's uprightness. Somewhere after they won the National Championship they started becoming a thug university, crooked and morally bankrupt (from what I could see). As I would visit my friends in Gainesville, I would think to myself what an awesome place to go to School and live. I even considered transferring schools there my sophmore year of college (the first one). Gainesville is what college football was all about.
2. I think Tallahassee is a Dump of a city. The only thing that's beautiful about Tallahassee is FSU, the rest of the city is one big slum covered by kudzu after another.
3. Peter Warrick, ever since that whole fiasco my eyes have been opened to FSU's descent into a thugish university. These are exactly the kind of situations that make Miami so utterly detestable to me.
4. I only liked Florida State because I hated Miami, and FSU played Miami Every year.
5. My dad is a Gator. He went to school in Gainesville, took me to UF games, as are the rest of my Dad's side of the family. It's fun to root for a team when you've got family to talk to later about the game.
6. I realized I don't really like FSU all that much. It was the team of my youth and I was too nostalgic to root for someone else.
7. My closest friends are Gators. For explination on why this is important see reason number 5. Having fans to run with makes a difference.
8. I feel a closer connection to UF than I do FSU. This most likely stems from any college experiences I have being had on the UF campus. Be it Ultimate Frisbee, Saturday night football, going to see a football game... whatever!! They are all in gainesville.
9. Having to take a beating and stick up for Florida football at the hands of my inlaws who think Ohio State is God's gift to Football. I've had to put up with their trash talk for the last three years, and to finally be able to put back in their faces as UF's basketball and football teams won the championships, gave me such a deep sense of satisfaction it is scary. Through that trial by fire came such a bond I've never felt for FSU.

Reason's why I hate to leave Now...
1. I feel like a traitor
2. I will look like a turncoat
3. I will be a bandwagon jumper
4. I'll be kicking FSU while their down
5. I only like 'em when they're winning
6. I only like UF because they won the national championship and are good
7. I'm not a true fan, because I'm not sticking with my team.

These are all very good arguements and though I can never fully disprove them, I can look back historically and make a final rebuttal case.
1. I've liked FSU since I knew there was an FSU when they used to get spanked by everyone, when they were wide left x6, when they were the third best team in Florida, when they would lose 4 games a year, when they had terrel buckley.
2. I've liked the Braves since the mid eighties when they were AWFUL and still love the braves to this day... I root for the braves versus anyone! Win lose or draw.
3. When I moved up north I could no longer watch any southern football :( so I had to pick someone to root for, I chose Michigan State... even after loses to such teams as Minnesota, Iowa, Indiana, and Illinois, I STILL love Michigan State.
4. I've maintained my position that Florida was always my second favorite team behind FSU, I'm now just moving them up to number one and FSU down to 3 or 4
5. Being From jax, UF is my closest team.
6. I had to fight as a UF fan before they won anything! Especially every time they played crappily.
7. I went to a university with no sports of any significance, and a catholic school I tried my best to avoid. I've never had any school spirit in anything anyway!
8. I've been considering this move for the last 4 years, tried it two years ago and couldn't bring myself to it. Cheering at that game tonight against FSU was at once Cathartic and a final cut from my once beloved noles.

That being said, I cheered and cheered hard for my second favorite team the Clemson TIGERS!!! Go Tigers!!! I cheered for them from beginning to the end, even during fsu's imprabable comeback. Why? Because I like them more than I do FSU and I'm officially a UF fan, so as far as I'm concerned it's A-OK! That game was awesome! If I get to go back again I'll take my camera. Currently the battery is dead or else I would have had it tonight. 24-18... can't ask for more than that.

Milan Part 2

2007-08-21T22:59:00.000-07:00

“The wheels on the Bus go round and round, round and round, round and round…The wheels on the Bus go round and round all through the town.”
This is such a passively, pastoral song. It almost sounds relaxing, like being out to see on a huge yacht or in a dinghy on the glassy waters of a lake. Well, that was not our experience.
As we wound away from the airport we started coming to another curious problem, which stop was ours. I would later find out I was under the misconception that this was a bus which made regular stops like most busses do. So while everyone “In the know” was gleefully ignoring the stops along the highway I was making a mad search through our maps to figure out where in the hell I was trying to go. I asked the bus driver. He spoke no English and only assured me that he was in fact driving the bus, a fact that must have escaped me in his estimation. With that, I took my seat and hoped for the best.
All around the town we drove, we pulled off the local highway onto the autostrada… the freeway… we drove the autostrada until we found our exit which happened to be a series of very sharp, hairpin turns which were very clearly not made for busses our size. For that matter I’m not sure they were made for many cars in manufacture today. Amazingly enough our driver managed to steer us clear of any danger; inches separated us from the unforgiving concrete (the only thing between us and a 30 foot fall) to the right and oncoming traffic to the left, which seemed unconcerned of the decreased space for driving.
With an awe inspiring bit of driving behind us, I tried to relax at least a little knowing that at this point if we didn’t know where we were going we were never going to know and eventually end up wherever this Bus turned around. Never in my life have I seen such a beautiful metropolis disgraced by such ignominious graffiti. When I say it was everywhere, I am not in any way exaggerating. It was on every single first floor wall within sight. Some walls had it worse than others, but all the walls were tagged -- silver, red, blue, yellow, green, black, gray… they were covered in color un-native to its original architecture. Italian vulgarities, signs, fascist propaganda, gang tags, and any number of designs that looked like they were the crayon drawings of a three year old on a wall covered the walls block by block by block.
As we approached what appeared to be the Train Station, I was confronted with an entirely new problem… large groups of people who looked to be vagrants, thieves, robbers, and any other frightening apparitions I could think of at the time. There were trash can fires and gobs of trash and empty bottles littering the cobblestone sidewalks. The whole city looked like it was straight out of “Escape from LA” I was just waiting for Kurt Russel to walk out with his eye patch and long pony tail.
We stepped off the bus into the scene and I held onto Misti’s hand tightly, wanting to keep her close just in case someone tried something.
As quickly as we could, we walked into the station and to our dismay saw no trains leaving for Venice. Had we managed to catch the first bus (the one I thought was a tourist bus) we would have caught the last train across the country to Venice with no time to spare.
“Now what… now what do you do Shea… think. Think. Think… Do you sleep in the train station? How will that work? Are you going to let Mist sleep while you keep guard? Do you find a hotel? What are you going to do… It’s time to make a decision.”
At that moment, I remembered the sign above the hotel just across the street – The Star Hotel. Mist and I discerned that we had two options… wait for the first train @ 6am in the station, or check into a hotel and get some sleep. After nearly 48 hours of not sleeping I was not in any condition to stay awake to make sure no lunatics got the jump on us, and I wasn’t about to make misti our watchdog. So without any further adieu we decided to check into a hotel for the night and treat ourselves to a nice shower and bed.
The increasingly frightening scene outside made me surer of my decision. Even as we walked up to the automatic sliding glass doors that entered into the swanky lobby covered in cherry paneling and wainscoting, my normal reaction would have been one of, “out of our price range my dear (which it was)… and let’s keep on looking.” But considering the hour, the ratty walls of this city of graffiti, and what seemed like gobs and gobs of degenerate marauders waiting to do us in. I chose to override my normal cheapness in lieu of safety.
The star hotel was an amazing place that I would recommend to any tourist unfortunate enough to get stuck in Milan. Close to the station, but a world all its own. The star hotel was an Italian 4 star hotel and worth every star. We would find out as we walked into the hotel that mass hysteria and “marauders” filling the streets was due to the fact that AC Milan was at that very moment playing (and winning) a match against Liverpool in the European Cup.
I don’t know if it was exhaustion from the journey or elation at finding an oasis in the middle of such slop but whatever it was it was welcomed and necessary. Our very modern and swanky room was amazing, and as we lay down on our Tempurpedic bed and covered ourselves in the luxurious sheets. Misti rest her head on my chest and her hair fell on my skin. I watched her doze off within minutes and found myself falling, blissfully into a faraway sleep, void of the world outside our hotel door. Tomorrow would hold its own worries and troubles that was for sure, but as for tonight my only concern was sleep… at least until the alarm goes off.

Milan Part 1

2007-08-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

Milan Part I
I should have known we were in for trouble when no one at the airport spoke English or looked as though they particularly cared to help us in any way shape or form. The time was 11:00pm (Milan) the last train to Venice (where our hotel was) left at 11:55p. Now you might be saying to yourself, that’s cutting it awful close isn’t it Shea?” To which I say, “hogwash!” You see, misti and I did such a good job planning this trip out we were going to be there in Venice by 3pm and have a wonderful relaxing dinner by the Grand canal. Instead, thanks to a major delay by Virgin airlines, we were forced to stay in England all day long. That wouldn’t have been all that terrible had AlItalia not decided to have a pilot’s strike in 4 of its major cities forcing us to fly into Milan @ 11pm and thereby screw everything up!
But we finally arrived. Despite all the crap that it took to get here and despite how frightening the whole scene at Malpensa was we could say that we had arrived at our temporary destination. That would be one of the very few bright spots of the night.
Our backpacks arrived at baggage claim, without being absolutely destroyed by the airline workers not on strike. After picking them up off the conveyer we started to the doors. It was at that moment that we came upon one of our first planning oversights – “Where on earth is the Train station to Venice?” Unlike most of the cities, Milan’s Malpensa airport does not have a direct system of transit going from one place to the next. So, if you need to get from the airport to the train station at 11pm… good luck!
And there we stood, two touristas overwhelmed and somewhat baffled as to what to do. Fright didn’t set in for a good 10 minutes.
5 minutes later…
Misti and I start to make our way to the exit of the airport looking for someone who might just speak English. That is a more difficult prospect than you might think. I finally saw a security officer (carabinieri) and made a bee line to ask him where to go. In Italian he said… well I don’t actually know what he said since it was in Italian, but I did understand the gestures he was making. Feeling very glad to be with my wife, Mist and I briskly walked toward the door, and the awaiting gauntlet of cabbies ready to pounce on the unsuspecting individuals walking off the plane.
5 minutes later…
Walking out of the air conditioned airport Misti and I were enveloped by the thick, humid air outside. It was welcome to be out of a climate controlled environment after having been stranded in one for the better part of a day and a half. The parking lot was brightly lit and bustling even at this late hour and at that moment the weight of not knowing how to get to the train station or for that matter where it even was were really beginning to hit me. Though Misti never said it, I knew she was hoping that I knew what was going on… I couldn’t even begin to fake it like I knew.
We saw a bus and a huge line of people waiting for it and thought immediately that that must be our bus, but was quick to repress my assumptions seeing that the bus in question was no less than a charter bus and for all I knew these white hairs were all a part of some tourist group going to their hotel. I didn’t know what to do and asking seemed an adventure in pointlessness. We crossed the 4 lanes of pick-up traffic trying not to get run over straight off the plane. As we crossed I saw a huge commotion from another smaller (more city-run) bus stop, with my curiosity piqued I paused at the median to see if I could make out what was going on in the crowd across the next 3 lanes of traffic. Soon I realized there was a man wailing as if his dog was shot and police circling a spot 5 feet away from him. I started to understand what he was saying and quickly realized that someone just shot his friend (girlfriend I think). I am not kidding about this. Being a little freaked out, I was not made to feel any better when I realized that it was the police that did the shooting! At that point, I was no longer overwhelmed or freaked out, I was overwhelmed, freaked out and really afraid!
Here we are, in a city we don’t know anything about, with pretty much everything we need for the next 3 weeks on our backs and 200 euros in a belly pouch which my wife happens to be wearing.
“calm down shea… calm down… get your wits about you, this is no time to freak out. You have to figure this out… You’ve got to get out of here now. Even if that means going back into the airport… you have to get away from the crowd and get your wits about you, and you have to do that now! You cannot freak out… you have to find the train station or you’ll be stuck here until tomorrow.”
I looked at Misti and without another word grabbed her hand and we walked across the street back into the more quiet area of the airport. We got out of the mess outside and pulled maps in an attempt to figure the whole mess out. I looked for signs anything that looked like a train or a bus or… a visitor’s center! Misti saw the visitor’s center sign and lead the way as we walked to the desk. From where we were at we didn’t even know if anyone was still there, after all it was 11:25pm and the lady could have gone home for the night putting a long day at work behind her. I was never so glad to see a smiling Italian woman in my entire life. I asked if she spoke English and in perfectly understandable English she told us how to catch the next bus since we just missed the last bus, giving us a traveler’s map of Milan.
With new found confidence in the plan of attack we headed out the bus stop. We were greeted by the smiling faces of another American couple that just arrived from California headed up to Lake Como. They were very sweet and talked with us about their flight from England. They went through the same crap we did, but were wise enough to plan on staying in Milan that first night. Conversation seemed enjoyable and going well right up until the wife popped out one of her breasts to feed her young baby. (I recognize this is a natural and perfectly normal thing to do, especially in today’s freewheeling culture, I’m not upset, it was just unexpected and therefore momentarily shocking.)
With that a few awkwardly silent moments passed until our bus pulled into the station. We got on and gladly watched the bus driver put the distance between us and the craziness of the Airport. Optimism was abounding. Maybe the train would run all night, or even once or twice a night after midnight… Maybe we’d catch the last train out… maybe just maybe we’d be alright after all. The radio on the bus was playing something I didn’t understand, but it didn’t matter because the seats were cushy and comfortable. We were finally going somewhere, and as the black diesel smoke arose into the pitch night from the back of the bus I was still nervous but at least neither of us was shot!

one last thing...

2007-08-13T21:12:00.001-07:00

MAN ALIVE!!! I sure am proud of that painting!

basic instructions...

2007-08-13T20:56:00.001-07:00

I just saw a blog entitled basic instructions... and it made me think of that song "basic instructions before leaving earth..." I know that's not the proper title but I like that one better. I used to know how to play some of that other song they have. I have since forgotten the name and the tune. It is officially lost forever, unless someone can come up with an MP3 of my mystery song that was off the same cd as basic instructions. I'm just too lazy and it's just too late.

In unrelated news, I really enjoy talking to my old friends. Even if it's only for a minute or over a gmail chat... I like being involved in their lives and not feeling so far out of the loop. I think that must be one reason I love the blogging. I feel like I can be caught up with them. I especially like Joel's blog, always humorous, sometimes very serious, sometimes just "hey, this is what I'm doing today. La de daah." But it's awesome because I at least have an idea of what's going on. I don't just show up one day and come to find out HOLY CRAP Joel got married, has a dog, and owns his own condo - and TOM has a mustang!!! These things are awesome and I rejoice with them over the new events of their lives, but it's just great being able to do that as they happen and not all at once.

speaking of lah de dahh... my day has been somewhat humdrum. I got another passion fruit Iced tea from the 'bucks. That is my FAVORITE drink of all time! 2 reasons, 1. it's delicious, and fruity, and not bitter.
2. I'm cheap... and so is that drink. Even if Misti didn't work there I could still buy the drink at original price and just refill it for 50 cents... and not even just once while I'm at that store... but as LONG as I keep the cup! AMAZING!

I must say that I was first introduced to the 'bucks by another old friend Katie Orr who at that time was still Landrum. I only liked it because all the local 'bucks stores had cranium, which we would play and have quite a good time. I do remember one instance though when Katie Orr got so very upset when we were playing. She is/was very competative, maybe being married to Chris has removed that from her. Anyway, enough walking down memory lane. I think it is time for bed.

2007-08-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

Well, it's finally done. And what a painting it turned out being, if I do say so myself. I'm excited to get started on my next painting. I call them paintings and not collage because I'm "painting" in principle, I'm just using paper instead of acrylics. It's not something I'm totally used to doing yet, but I'm begining to figure it out. It's much more time consuming but it's really fun and really much more challenging to me than painting is.

I'm pretty stinkin' proud of myself...

2007-08-05T23:36:00.001-07:00

I have never claimed to be... nor ever will claim to be a technician when it comes to anything computers. Unlike most old, fuddy-duddies I dont' have an inherent distrust of computers, as a matter of fact, I like them quite a bit. The problem is that I just don't care enough to learn anything about them. That being said, I have no idea how to make a website, nor do I know anything about flash and HTML code. But thanks to Google and their fine stable of techno-geeks, I was able to understand and create my own code for linking my blog to another website in a NEW window.

Yes, I realize that is standard operating procedure for most 4 year olds, but I'm impressed with myself! We all have to start somewhere. After the minutes of figuring it all out though I opted for the much easier (already written) flash code to embed in my blog. Oh Well.

wow...

2007-08-05T23:20:00.000-07:00

Misti and I went on a hike up to Table Rock, SC a month ago and I'm just now getting around to adding the pictures to my online webalbum. There's nothing like THIS in Chicago, I can tell you that for a fact! No lie, this is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.

Please enjoy my Slideshow:

2007-08-05T23:08:00.000-07:00

This is the beginning of my newest work of art. It's not even close to finished yet, but I thought I'd give a little preview as I'm really liking how well it is starting to turn out. The picture next to it is the actual subject I'm working from. It's from a new series I've started on water and rocks. I'm really not sure what to name the series as of now, but I'm creative and will hopefully be able to come up with something better than water and rocks. Misti and I were talking about this afternoon, and she suggested rockin' water! I don't think she was serious. At least I hope not.

There's something really cool about how Rocks and water interact with each other. On the outside they seem so different (because they are). They contrast so sharply, water is soft, rocks are not. Water is fluid, Rocks are not. Water is deflected and moved by huge boulders and small river stones. Rock is shaped and destroyed by the powerful water that rushes by it. Water can destroy rocks and Rocks can stop a flow of water dead in it's tracks. That's poetic if you ask me. It's symmetrical, and it works - not the same, symmetrical; just like Misti and I. It reminds me of how amazing the Lord's wisdom is that he planned it to be precisely that way.

This one's for you Boone!

2007-08-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

I found Italian fairly simple to understand. This fine sign was found on a jaunt through Rome. I have come to the conclusion that it was Italian for Proctologist... I'll let you be the judge.

Blue Rhapsody in the midst of Souza's March.

2007-08-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

I tell you what I never cease to be surprised by the white hairs. Tonight Mist and I went on a little date to the concert at Furman. Once again, it didn't fail to produce another interesting experience.

Tonight's concert was over the musical stylings of Gershwin, Cole Porter, and the Marches of John Sousa. I love going to these concerts with mist because I can almost be guaranteed that we will be the youngest attendants by a large margin. What's even better is realizing that they don't know you're actually there. These QTips go crazy at this concert. For instance, at the end, Misti had long since given up on paying any attention to the crowd, and managed to miss a confluence of fleshy dancing I haven't seen since I went to the Booty club and saw this really big girl shaking anything that moved (and there was a lot that moved.) I agree that "Stars and Stripes Forever" is beat heavy tune, but immediately you would have thought the band leader would have started playing free bird. THEY WENT CRAZY! Clapping, dancing... I kid you not, they were marching like they were leading a band. I had no idea what to think and almost thought I must still be dreaming after falling asleep to one of their rendetions of Cole Porter's music, but I wasn't this was really happening!

I looked over at misti to see if she was watching this once in a lifetime Old folks rave... appearently, Kate winslett's thoughts on being a new mom were somewhat more interesting. I don't doubt she was listening, but boy did she miss out on the real show. Next time I'm bringing my video camera so I can post this phenomenon on youtube.

I love living in Greenville. Seriously, I am absolutely loving it!!! I think that if anyone wants to move from their hometown and move somewhere I'd suggest Greenville. Then again, I guess that'd depend on who was asking. Everytime I think about how happy I am here, I become even more impressed by Misti's wisdom to request living here. She really is a smart cookie.

Chris, you were right, Easley and Anderson are definitely no substitute for Greenville.

God's country

2007-07-13T16:01:00.000-07:00

When one of my good friends told me that South Carolina (Clemson in Particular) was god’s country, I dismissed his statement as the embellishments of a local who always seemed to extol the virtues of South Carolina over just about any other place on this earth. When you live in a place like Williston, South Dakota or Gary, Indiana or even Williston, Florida making such high statements may have sound bearing and justification, but when you find yourself living in Yellowstone National Park, giving such high praise as “God’s country” to any place other than the one you’re currently in seems a bit like overstepping the boundaries of good sense and taste.

However, I must extend my apologies to my dear friend. I now understand what he meant when he called South Carolina God’s country. It truly is astounding. I am no expert on Clemson University, or the upcountry for that matter, but my lovely wife keeps showing me the wonders of this fine area of our country. She keeps introducing me to wondrous waterfalls that slide, cascade or crash into grand rocky bases. We’ve looked out over Vistas stretching as far as the eye can see of nothing but lush blue green mountains surrounded by hazy clouds. Beautiful, old mansions that tell of an era long since passed are on street corners all over town, some within walking distance of home. She has also been so very intentional about taking me to local events (mostly free) that introduce me to very few of Greenville’s fine denizens, but none the less keep me astounded at the scope of the cities beauty.

Tonight we went to Music by the Lake. It’s a free concert that Furman University puts on every Thursday night and she’d been requesting that we go for at least two weeks now. What a wonderful time we had. We listened to Blue grass music for the couple of hours just before the world turned to show the sun beginning a descent beneath the treeline across the lake. As the music played and the sun was setting, there were two swans effortlessly floating on the lake – their stark white bodies contrasted so richly with the deep blue of the lake water. Ripples radiated from their elegant bodies, with every graceful movement circles of neon orange and yellow broke up the monotonous blue of the lake as each sunward ripple grabbed at the dying light as if they were desert blossoms soaking in the last bits of the morning dew before the heat of the day left them parched and dry.

The sky was a light royal blue, with clouds meandering around; stringy and barely connected. My wife and I sipped on our smuggled Italian wine, ate extra sharp cheese on baguette chips, occasionally plucking off a juicy grape, or dipping the bread in her homemade hummus and we delighted with the crowd as the music played.

The evening was perfect. It was paradise – who knows maybe even a 2 hour glimpse of what God’s country really is.

To Be a domesticated man

2007-07-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Tonight (07-05-07) I bought two tomato plants. Such thin little things, soon to be so full of delectable orbs as succulent and juicy as they are shimmering red, that I hopefully won’t know what to do with them. Misti got a sweet basil bush and as a result we are surely on our way to a summer full of tomato and basil sandwiches, homemade pesto, all the Caprese salad one man could ever hope to consume.

After we bought our little plants we proceeded to the library where we checked out some books on gardening. Misti has long since gone to bed, but while she slept I read, and filled my mind with images of our future/present home together. I was reading and reading about these back porch plants, envisioning my green back yard speckled with colors that span the whole spectrum from yellow, to purple, blue and white. I see vines crawling up trellises and beans sprouting in pods, pots full of herbs and lettuce, and I like what I see.

Maybe planting a garden isn’t as masculine as hunting, but I like animals too much to shoot them. Don’t get me wrong, I sure do love eatin’ me some venison, but I don’t think I could bear to shoot the deer to get it (that’s what my in-laws provide for me - who as fate would have it don’t even like venison). Gardening isn’t planting 40 acres, it’s just gardening - it’s planting a small crop for the shear enjoyment of the bounty they produce and the great (or small) work it took to get them that way. I think I’m going to be good at it too. I think I’m going to be good at it like my granny and granddaddy were good at it – I think it’s in my blood.

I don’t know if that really makes me a domesticated man, maybe it just makes me industrious, full of the spirit that made this country great. Maybe it makes me a glutton for the fruitta di terra, maybe I just want to reconnect with my grandparents in a way that I was never able to before granddaddy died. Either way, I can’t wait to get my hands dirty with the tomatoes and basil and watch my garden grow in the red Greenville clay.

the stickiness of forgiveness

2007-07-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

As of right now, this blog finds me without a job, but with a place to sleep. A week ago, I was without both a job and a place to sleep, so I guess things are improving some. On Wednesday of last week I was driving to sign the contracts for our new place when a song came of the radio that reminded me of a good summer years ago. The memory made me smile as I think fondly of that summer. But as it inevitably does my mind progressed through winter into the spring when the lusts of my body overcame the sensibilities of purity. I have long since forgiven myself for those days and sins, and I know the Lord has forgiven me as well. What I have come to find out though is that sin has stickiness to it. It’s like some sort of snail, as the creature retreats he leaves his gooey trail to show the world his direction and his intention.

It’s sad that forgiveness doesn’t mean purity regained. It only means repair. I’m sad that I’ll never be able to look on that summer with the eyes of June, July and August. From this day to that my eyes are be-speckled with the haze of December, January, and March, and there is nothing that I can do to make that haze disappear. Unlike the snail slime, sin’s sludge does not retreat easily; it does not shrivel with the application of salt or pesticides rather it just sits – its remnant dissipating slowly, never totally cleaned or removed until the day we die and meet our maker in heaven.

How strange that I can forgive and be forgiven but never fully be washed of its effects. What’s done is done and there’s no taking it back. The Lord must grieve over that fact. I’m sure he must every time he thinks of the good mingling amid the bad, it must make him so sad that all that was once beautiful, pure and right has decayed even ever slightly into shades of less than perfect. I grieve with you lord, and I wait with baited anticipation the day when the colors of this world will no longer be muddied and yellowed by the sin. Only the brilliance and purity of your glory will shine, and then I will once again be happy.

“Call me?!?!?”

2007-07-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

I still have poison Ivy, and for those of you who didn't know that... I got poison Ivy and it sucks. It is no good being itchy and gross (I promise those adjectives are no exaggeration.) My new source of enjoyment while misti sleeps and I itch is movie time. Tonight I just finished watching Doctor Zhivago (I really think I want to read it soon, but it’s not top priority on my list of things to do.) The movie was 4 hours long, and once I got past all the actors having british accents yet being distinctly Russian I was able to see how very beautiful it was. It was touching and brilliant but it was so sad. It’s almost bitter in its approach to love, but bitter in the way of a blind man receiving sight, feeling the heat of the sun on his new eyes… seeing for the first time the light filter in red through the eyelids and half a millisecond before opening them for the first time and the world suddenly and eternally goes to pitch blackness.

(SPOILER WARNING)
I am convinced Zhivago is the Russian Sisyphus who comes so close to love but in the end the boulder rolls back on him crushing him at once. This movie (probably book as well) is one big oxymoron after another – its hopeful bitterness in its finest form, Boris Pasternack is truly a master of heartbreak. Poor Zhivago, his heart was too big for his own good (metaphorically speaking) and as a result he could never truly love for he loved too much. Just when you think he’s going to get the girl or die in a drunken heap lost and alone, ol’ Boris turns the screws just a little more, bringing our man Zhivago within inches of one last resolution of love, one touch, one embrace, just one more “ADRIENNNE!!” before he dies, but no. Zhivago wants so desperately to connect, to scream for his love, to break through the walls as his love passes by but all he can do is slowly, mutely stagger to his demise bound and gagged by his failing body as his love passes by on the other side of the glass.

(SPOILER WARNING)
In the end, Zhivago knows love only too well, and is brought to his knees by it - killed by it. I feel no shame in giving away this ending because it is so tragically perfect. In a truly Russian twist of fate, it is the very shock of seeing his lost love on the other side of the glass that finally pushes him into a heart attack where he dies!

(SPOILER WARNING WITH BROKE BACK MOUNTAIN REFERRENCE)
What is wrong with these Russians…? What is wrong with me!!! Why do I torture my poor heart like this? I follow this fool and feel for him even when he is doing utterly contemptible things “for love.” He commits adultery, abandons his wife, abandons his father in law, abandons his Child for his adulterous love, and all I can say is, “I can’t quit you.” I am such a sucker because I want to him to reach his resolution and I watch further in the slim hope that maybe just maybe this is the Russian great who will resolve in some miniscule way this wealth of emotion that he has given… BUT NO!!! He never does and so I’m left feeling dirty and unsatisfied, yet disturbingly pleased with myself like I just got the raw end of a one night stand.

I need to take a shower.

plop plop fizz fizz oh what suprise he was...

2007-07-06T09:25:00.000-07:00

In a bathroom stall at the London airport I came across a most interesting situation… actually it wasn’t really all that interesting at all just strange. I sat in one of the cleanest public restrooms I’ve ever been in (I guess that’s what happens when you refer to bathrooms as Loo’s.) when I heard a sound that could only be described as a locomotive screaming by, followed by a belly flop of a splash – it sounded like a massive cliff-side tree had been felled into a lake! It was an absolute explosion.

Often, I find it unfortunate that in such circumstances as these I am detained by the dirty business of my bowels, and go on wondering for minutes sometimes hours the make up of a gent who would unload such an odious mess. Fortunately, I would not be so detained in this instant as is per usual the case. I had just finished whatever business I had to attend to in my own stall and was growing curiouser and curiouser as to what kind of beached whale could create such a monstrous plop in a toilet. Surely, he must be some highly trained bear or Head of state, or maybe even a construction worker on a bit of a break. Oh how wrong I was.

Exuding with confidence, I opened the door of my stall fully expecting to see this behemoth in all his splendor, spent and satisfied after such a wonderful release, only to see in his stead a boy no bigger than 4 foot tall, skinny as a rail, stretching on his tip toes just to reach the sink. “My, my, my” I thought to, “I have no idea of what to make of what I just heard and what I am now seeing.”

the blog flood is on it's way.

2007-07-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the coming flood of blogs and the newly reenergized stories from a small country.

I could not think of a better place

2007-06-15T20:54:00.000-07:00

Imagine having this as the office view you look our on every day. Quite impressive if you ask me. I don’t know how I’m ever going to achieve this sort of work space but once I do, I for sure will be on kiplinger’s Top 100 places to work.

I’m actually sitting on a boulder looking directly across from a cool but mostly uninspiring river bank (if you look in the bottom right hand corner, I'm where the fools in white are standing). Directly to my left however is a cascading waterfall. It’s pretty quite here, peacefully quiet. I’m sure that in the next couple of hours this little waterfall will be inundated with any matter of southern vacationers looking to cool off from the noon day sun in the chilly waters of the Reedy Creek Falls. But for now, I’m alone with my computer. Liberty bridge spans across this little ravine, definitely an interesting construction as the pictures can show you http://www.fallspark.com/. Every once in a while I see families walk over the little pedestrian bridge and look strangely at me, pointing, as if they’ve never seen a man sitting on the boulders by a waterfall typing on a laptop. Come to think of it I’d probably take a picture of me too if I were them.

It’s beautiful here. The music of the chattering birds and crashing water is calming. I can here the bubbling sound of the water sliding over the rocks next to me. It’s faint but I can hear it none the less. It's just the slightest strain almost an indiscernable hum, like the complicated bass running loops in any Led Zepplin song. The rain is most likely going to be coming fairly soon so I’m typing on borrowed time. I really do love waterfalls, they energize the spirit and enrich the soul as far as I’m concerned. I could stay out here all day long if I was able… as a matter of fact, today I am.

a virgin no more...

2007-06-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

A Virgin no more!

Virgin airlines… I am convinced there are no airlines which can compare to what Virgin Airlines has produced. Not surprisingly I didn’t actually find out until just before our flight was about to arrive that we were flying out on Virgin. This came as a source of excitement since I’ve been very curious about flying Virgin. Think about it they’ve got two things working for them commercials involving has-been 70’s rock stars and that lunatic for an owner sir Richard Branson, who spends his free time flying around the world in a hot air balloon or a space shuttle whatever the weather may dictate (a brilliant lunatic as I would come to find out but a lunatic none the less.)

Tuesday afternoon we stopped by the Eager’s and had lunch with them. It reminded me how sweet they were to allow me to stay with them for as long as they did. It also reminded me that I really did enjoy living with them despite my complaints to the contrary… (I didn’t complain very often.)

After dropping off our belongings and our cars, Mandy Wells took us to the airport without any major hitches; well accept for the 2 hour delay leaving Chicago. When we boarded our flight we were surprised to see little TVs behind every seat, and little remote controls on each of our arm rests! This was the most enjoyable 8 hours I’ve ever spent on a plane in my entire life! We had the choice between watching 6 different movies, listening to 5 different CD’s, or even playing some cheesy videogames. They fed us twice (both meals being halfway decent) and drew the curtains to help acclimate our bodies to the extreme time change… It was so wonderful I almost forgot that we were arriving 2 hours late for our connecting flight which we were supposed to board 30 minutes after our original touchdown time. This little snafu meant that we would be leisurely arriving into Heathrow an hour and a half after the departure of our connecting flight into Italy. I should have known at that point this would not be any normal adventure overseas, that little reveal however, was about to become very clear at approximately 12:30p (London) in front of the Alitalia desk.

back to the place that perfected the burger...

2007-06-07T14:58:00.000-07:00

Ahhh... so nice to be back in a country where only 21% of the population smokes. Italy was wonderful, but I can only take so much touristing before I begin to go a little batty. In the coming weeks I will be transcribing the life and times of my adventures overseas with Misti in this blog, so as to give to the internet world a snippet of the "adventures" I put Misti into. Being back in the states, I decided misti and I needed to initiate our arrival with a big greasy hamburger and fries... I think it was the most perfect idea - even now I'm salivating and my double char cheeseburger and overflowing basket of perfectly fried potatoes! It's nice to be back... but it'd be even nicer if we were going to a permanent residence. I keep seeing Joel's pictures and reading his blog about their new digs (kudos by the way to Joel... that condo looks awesome! I can't wait to see it in person - especially when it has the new add ons from BestBuy) and it makes me wish I was coming home and not to just another rest stop. I like to think that for the most part I'm a wandering soul... but every time I wander I only end up thinking of how great it would be just to get back home (wherever "home" may be). Misti and I are still very unsettled at this point though we know Greenville, SC is our last destination (for the time being) we still don't have jobs or a place to stay where she can build our nest. We're still vagabonds traveling the midwest like two tramps hopping into freight cars, though I know we'll get settled eventually, that eventuality still seems so far away.

Well enough nostalgia for one day, it's time to go for a swim and enjoy these blustery, hot, Chicago Summer days. It's time to sit on the edge of the cliffs overlooking Lake Michigan listening to the Cicadas chirp and watch them dart across the sky. Maybe I'll play some basketball with the highschooler's or Go golfing, maybe just drink some tea. Either way, It's time to enjoy the summer. Check back for updates in:
"Big Adventures in a Small Country."

2007-05-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

I was sitting down on the sofa, gazing out over the carnage hemorrhaging throughout our apartment getting ready for round two of our packing marathon. In the midst of my early morning stupor, I was watching the end of Cocktail, and half listening to Misti's conversation with her sister over the phone. Actually, it would have been difficult to not listen to misti's conversation since she turned the volume on the TV down to that particular level that allows you to hear every 10th word said. Just enough to have no clue of the dialogue of the movie. Fortunately, the movie was predictable so figuring out the dialogue wasn't that big of a problem. Out of no I started singing "Ain't no-body dope as me, I'm just so fresh and clean... so fresh and so clean clean..." This seemed strange since I haven't had anything to do with that song in the last 2 years. Amazing what you can remember when given the boredom of a new day moving.

In unrelated news...

Things I will not miss about Skokie:

10. being greated with a new and unwanted scrape scratch or dent in any number of places on my car.

9. walking up to our storage unit and seeing the Latin kings tag on the front door.

8. hearing sirens at 3 am.... every night at 3 am.

7. walking up the stairs to our apartment with no lighting because the stairway lights are constantly burnt out.

6. Hearing Jazel yelling at her husband all day long, for appearently no reason at all.

5. being afraid to walk up the back steps because there may actually be a rat gorging itself on the dilectable (and probably rotten) food our downstairs neighbors keep on their porch.

4. a serious BBQ deficiency

3. 700 dollars/month for a one bedroom apartment with no ac (and that was a steal)

2. our sidewalk not shoveled all winter giving us the distinct joy of trudging through knee high snow.

1. who on earth wants to live in a city named SKOKIE!!? Really, what kind of name is that?

To this cities credit there are a great many things that I like about our apartment and skokie itself. But, that being said, I will not be sad to leave and go back to the south where the three F's await me... good Friends, good Family, Great FOOD!!!

Love of a good zepplin cover...

2007-05-10T23:58:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but I love a good Zepplin cover. Man!! What an awesome thing it is to feel the soundwaves course through your body as the drummer hammers the skins, and the lead guitarist shreds my face off. Even if Robert Plant's vocals aren't as superior as they once were, that music has something to it that is just timeless!

Anyway, I don't know what to do with myself now that I'm done with School. I've got to figure this out though. Starting yesterday, I've decided I want to do some reading for the next month. When I move to greenville I"m going to start a new series of Goals to accomplish. If I don't I'm afraid I'll waste all my time there and really be ticked off at myself when it's all said and done. In the meanwhile, I want to catch up on the reading of a few books I've been fawning over for some time:
1. The Sound and the Fury.
2. Angels and Demons
3. A biography on any artist from the Turn of the Century
4. A political Biography that won't put me to sleep
5. A biography about the Highlands of SC or the Appalachians
(if anyone has any suggestions regarding 3-5 please let me know.)

A special thanks goes out to Boone and Joel for what I am about to write. Hearing boone tell me that he makes out a list of goals for the year then actually does them was very shocking to me for some reason. Not so much that he does it but that he actually plans on following through with them - and does follow through! Also, thanks to Joel who gets the award for shear persistence in the face of such resistant odds. I swear, he has resolved to make new habits for working out at least 6 times since January! Sure he's failed 6 times as well, but the man is relentless, and still keeps pressing on! There's definitely something to be said for that kind of resolve. With that as my inspiration I'm making a beginner's list of Goals I want to acheive by the end of the Summer (aug. o8). Hopefully, this list will only be the beginning of a wonderful new season of my life. Without any further adieu:

1. complete at least 1 Painting every week
2. Sell (for a profit) my paintings. (at least 3)
3. Learn a language well enough to understand it.
4. Learn to type well. (60 wpm)
5. Run all the way up Chimney Rock without stopping
6. Run a marathon - (suggestions requested)
6b. qualify for boston
7. Hike the West Coast Trail - (anyone interested can make requests now.)
8. Watch my Boys graduate High School
9. Read the whole Bible twice over (cover to cover)
10. Learn how to use a camera (take a class)
11. Meet Billy Graham (Any suggestions on how to accomplish this feat would be appreciated)

I welcome any suggestions, though there's no guarantee I'll agree with you. I'm excited to enjoy what this next year has in store, and how the Lord is going to make me into the man that he created me to become. Anyway, that's my resolution. I guess now is as good a time as any!

2007-05-09T01:26:00.000-07:00

Listening to the Shins never sounded so Good. I just finished the paper. I'm now done. Literally... there is nothing left for me to do. It may not seem like much to most of the world, but I have to rejoice over a job accomplished... even if I don't accomplish it well. I haven't had the best rep for following through, and every new time I do it, I'm one step closer to real, persistent change.

This is actually made a little more special by the fact that this is the very last thing I will do for school after nearly 10 years of higher education and 12 years before that! After 22 years of schooling, the World better be ready for me, because here I come.

PS: The world doesn't stand a chance!!!

By the way, DCB is playing Rescue is Coming on the Itunes and it's exciting! Think about it... one day (maybe soon, Maybe not) when we need him most. When the world looks as bleek as could be, our rescue will come. Not sneaking around like a spy in a foriegn land but as a conquering warrior Robed in white and riding triumphantly to the battle with his legion of Godly warriors and angels behind him charging the enemies ranks - smashing the enemy and all his minions to bits - turning the laughter into absolute dismay!!! Praise God for his overwhelming Love of his People!

2007-05-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

I just watched Garden State with Misti. Actually, I should amend that last statement - I watched the first 45 seconds of Garden State with Misti. I don't think she actually made any further than that. I thought the movie was slow at first but picked up in the end sufficiently to merit my time usage. Anyway, after the movie was over I passed gas, and I must admit I'm quite proud. I seriously had one of the longest farts of all time. It was at least 35 seconds long. I nearly ran out of breath towards the end but convinced myself to just tough it out and take hold of history. I'm glad I did.

In other news, I've got one paper to finish before I'm totally done with School and I'm about 2/3 of the way done. I promised mist that it would be turned in by the end of the night, and not being one to welch on my promises, I must bid a fond adieu and commence with the last word study I will ever turn into a professor. TTFN

By the way, I think I may tackle Camera/movie art - ie. creative video journaling in my next place of residence. Maybe put that nice camera to the test.

the dawn is breaking...

2007-04-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

Tonight was a pretty wonderful night. I've come to realize that I don't mind being busy with students, in fact, I actually like it. That's beside the point though, tonight they gave us a preliminary farewell address at Youth Group. It was pretty good to feel appreciated by those little stinkers I've invested 3 years in. I've never done youth ministry before and probably won't do it again (who knows...) but, I can say with some great assurance that I've enjoyed my time doing it. There were tough times for sure, but the majority of the time spent with those students was as uplifting as I could have ever hoped. I only wish I could have given them more of me.

In other news, I still don't know what I'm going to do with my life... slightly scary, but I guess that's how the Lord works on these matters. To worry is not going to avail me much. This week I keep going back to when Boone and I went hiking in North Georgia on the Rabun Bald (pretty cool hike), and he reminded me of Matthew 6:24-25. He repeated the verses he had memorized and said, "You are in good hands... you have nothing to worry about." It was good medicine then, and continues to be a good word. For now, we keep on walking until the Lord tells us to turn.

So, I think the dawn is breaking through, I think the dark is on the run - I don't know for sure, but I think the Lord is waking us up.

I'll have some Raw Shea please...

2007-04-23T18:13:00.000-07:00

I feel very mixed up right now with some of my feelings. I just found out that a Job I applied for I didn't get. Actually Mist and I both applied for it, but whatever. I feel raw right now, I'm almost in shock - I guess that's the best way to put it. This is one of those things where I don't know how to react, I mean on the one hand I've really been expecting this since we applied... but on the other hand, I have this (irrational) feeling that I've failed. So weird.

I know that the reasons I didn't get hired are not based on the merit of my life experience, schooling, or interview, but at the same time - I've been planning on this particular life direction for the last 6 years as the next step in my life, and now in one email those plans have at best, been put on hold... possibly dashed altogether. I don't know, there's just a lot going on in my head right now, and so much in my heart as well... but I don't know how to decipher any of it. It's like my head and my heart are standing right in front of me (metaphorically) and they're having this discussion that all at once seems really heated, and at the same time really friendly, but they're speaking in Hebrew and Greek (neither of which I understand). Every now and again I'll catch a word or phrase, but all I can tell is the emotions for the most part and those ultimately don't mean Jack CRAP!!

I don't know what to think.

I listened to the shower radio this morning and Dr. Lutzer was preaching on the life of Joseph (technicolor dreamcoat Joseph, to those armchair theologians more familiar with Andrew Lloyd Weber than Moses). At any rate he said, When we follow God we learn how to follow him in the dark too. He went on to make the analogy of the guy who has to get up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, but doesn't want to wake anyone with the lights, so he walks in the dark. If the fellow didn't make that trip hundreds of times in the light he wouldn't have a clue how to make it in the dark!

Dr. Lutzer didn't say this much, but I imagine that when that guy was walking to the sink in the dark, he probably stepped on an errant shoe or hit his toe on a misplaced chair, but he made it anyway. Maybe he was hurt on the way but he made it. I guess I've just felt like I've been in the dark for the last year, and when we decided on that ministry I thought to myself, "finally the light is starting to shine through and I'm seeing the dawning of a new day." Now it seems like the light was just a mirage, the dark is still overwhelming and God seems quiet; then again, maybe I'm just not listening hard enough.

If there is anyone reading this, please pray for Mist and I - please pray for the Lord to talk to me in a way that I can hear him; please ask him to open my ears.

2007-04-22T23:05:00.000-07:00

"our boats collide; we feel the breeze.
We stay afloat and make the most of everything.
the sun would set, the stars would shine.
the trees would shake, we'd all feel fine...
Let's take the moon and make it shine for everyone."

Ahh... Get Up Kids, how I miss your music. Listening to the Get Up Kids is something that brings me some modicum of the comforts of home. I don't know why, but I have only good memories of their music. I probably saw them in concert 4 times over my more productive concert going years. I listened to them at a time in my life when I felt like I was in that nether world between making money, and having little to no responsibilities. They remind me of one of the greatest summers I've ever had.

It was a vacation summer; the last horrah before I committed myself to having a better life - something with meaning and purpose. The Get Up Kids remind me of the Sugar Shack, and hanging out with the Katie, Kristen, Jo, Amber, the Snow boys, Eric, Davin, Chris, and Chris. That was by no means an innocent summer, but it was memorable to be sure.

Well, that was then and this is now. Sometimes I'll wonder what the big difference between the Shea of that summer and the Shea of this summer will be. I'm pretty sure I'm more responsible, I got married, bought my first new-ish car, pay bills, work full time, and give up the fun things of life to do the things that need to be done. I hope I've gotten a little wiser in that expanse of time, but I can't really guarantee anything there. Spiritually, I've grown up too. My relationship with Christ hasn't made it through those years unscathed. Like most of my good friendships it too is scarred with the mistakes of my sin - but then who's isn't?

Anyway, this is just a time of reflection for me I guess. What have I done with what I've been given? If I die tomorrow what will my legacy be? What can I claim before the almighty Lord God? I hope the Lord would tell me that I've made his name great before the people of this world, I hope that somewhere down the line I've made the name of the Lord the standard bearer for the graduating students of colleges all over the world. Until that time, I have two classes, two weeks, and decent chance of actually passing them. To that tah tah until next time.

In the "That's what she said..." dept.

2007-04-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

I know it’s nothing more than pubescent bathroom humor, but I’m just in that kind of mood I guess… A lady walked into the store today and went right up to the medicine ball rack. Normally I’d think nothing of it, but when I asked her, “Is there anything I can help you with?” She began tossing the 6lb medicine ball back from hand to hand and replied, “Oh… I’m just looking at your weighted balls.”

I did my very best to keep my giggling under my breath. I can only hope I was successful. Though, I must say... I do carry rather heavy balls.

8lb, 10lb, 12lb... I even have 20lb balls. What a day.

I can praise God even now.

2007-04-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

I just saw that I could post in hindi, definitely an interesting prospect. Completely useless to me, but interesting none the less.

Today was a good day among a sea of crappy ones. Not very much good has happened all day, it's just been a good day inspite of it all. I've been down lately - stressed out over money during the summer, not having a job when we get back (feeling like I should have a job lined up), only having a grand total of 2000$ in sales at my current job, not knowing where I'm going to live, if I'm even going to pass seminary, and then whatever my wife is stressed out about goes into the pot too... just stressed out about a great many things, too many things.

I don't know if it was the fulfilling bible study we had last night, the auth mexi burrito I had yesterday, the one night house sitting job which happened to break up the humdrum monotony of my homework/study seminary stuff existence, the book I started reading and retained (which proves once and for all that I'm not functionally illiterate), the basketball game that I shot the lights out in, or if it was the quick little quiet time I had this morning. My guess it was the mexican food, but considering that was yesterday, it was probably my quiet time. Anyway, whatever it was (quiet time) it was exactly what I needed. It reenergized me, gave me a pep in my step for the day.

I still didn't sell anything all day, but I did get a lady who is interested in buying something. I didn't get all my homework done - though I did finish a discussion question for a class which had been plaguing me all semester. I didn't find out anything more about my future, in fact, I found out that I got a 59 on my midterm for OT! By all rights this should be just another in a sea of mediocrity. I should be set adrift in crap... again. But I'm not! I'm optimistic again.

Sure I got a 59, but at least now I know what I need to pass the class -- I finally have a mission again, something to shoot for. THink of what a challenge that's going to be I got 59% of a possible 25 points that's 14 some odd points that I got with only 75 left on the table. But I figured it out, and I really think I'm up to the challenge. When I found out the grade, the guy was like, "uh... well, maybe you can email the prof and ask what you can do to improve, or maybe he missed some of your answer sheets, doesn't happen often but who knows." Sam, I know. I knew I wasn't going to do well on that test... but that's ok. I can take ownership of failure just as easily as success, because that's what we do. We have to do that, or else we're likely to jump into a concrete pool with no water in between.

I'm a joyful man my friends, I'm joyful inspite of my circumstances... after all, I'm responsible for most of it anyway!

I can praise God even now. I can rejoice over what Good things he has done. He is my God and he did not forget me. He spoke to me when I called out to him, he sustained me when I was dry. I can praise God even now!

2007-03-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

I have had a rather interesting night. In the apartment below, I can hear the unending fighting and clamoring of the Persian couple, going at it yet again, for something I can't even begin to imagine. They do this as a nightly ritual I think - he yells, she yells, this process continues for at least another hour, maybe three... things start to settle down and then she runs the vacuum for the next 40 minutes. I haven't quite figured out why it takes her so long to run a vacuum, after all, they have hard wood floors just like us, except minus the checker-ish area rug.

I just finished watching the movie The Weatherman. Not an awful movie, but I'm not going to be recommending it to any one in the near future either. It was 2 hours of watching one man do everything in his self-seeking power to mess his whole life over. I strangely drawn into finishing the movie even though it was driving me absolutely batty. It wasn't until I was 45 min. later when I was doing the dishes that I realized I was watching the autobiography of myself as someone lost in a world without ever knowing Christ. The more I thought about it, the more plausible it seemed, until I was finally to a point of wholesale belief that I had just finished watching the what-if's and maybe's of an unfulfilled life. I'm glad that's not my life after all.

In all this, I've been reminded of something very profound that happened to me last night - how desperately I love my wife. She's not done anything outstanding lately to prove her love. She's consistent. That may seem like a real drag of a compliment, but if there's one thing I need love to be it's consistent. Her consistent love is overwhelming to me at times - like last night. We were talking, not making out, not walking, not having a tickle fight in bed... just talking. We laughed a little but then out of nowhere I asked an important question. You know the kind of question I'm talking about -- the kind of question that makes your wife pause for a moment because you've actually asked her something that she has not yet thought about. This may come easy to many of you, but to me it is a challenge and something to be remembered. I asked her, "What would you do if I died? Would you go live with Dee?"

What she said in reply wasn't much of a shock to me. She agreed that she'd probably go live with Dee, or Christie... that she'd take some time living with someone safe until she was able to get her head screwed on straight again. And as she was talking the rusted, stiff cogs in my brain began to creak and turn. I began to think of life without her, and I was so scarred in that moment. It was like I was there. I was in my apartment the day after her funeral. I was walking through the hallway barefoot and I could hear the floor boards moan underneath my feet, but unlike before there was no one to be quiet for. I walked into our bedroom and saw our bed, but she wasn't asleep in it like I've come to expect. The kitchen was clean, but I knew she wasn't going to be doing the dishes anymore. The TV droned on and on, but none of it made any sense, it was like I was watching the Russian TV station - dull and mediocre, with a faint touch of pizazz. I was so hopelessly alone. And then, without missing a beat in our darkened bed, Misti asked me "What would you do?" I didn't tell her what I was thinking exactly, I just said, "I'd be messed over for sure." Not precisely the romantic, touching response you look for in moments such as those, but I use what I've got, and I do what I can.

She asked me to explain, so I told her that I'd really be torn up inside over it. I'd probably lose my mind.

I should probably mention that this wasn't totally a foreign concept to me; I guess somewhere deep inside I've got the morbid curiosity an artist. I've thought about what I'd do, if all my family died in a car, plane, train wreck, going to some far off place leaving me alone in this world. I always fancied I'd go and join the most elite branch of the government and sign my life over to the military... more recently I figured I'd just become a hermit - same isolation as the military side of things, but less militant and more crazy old mannish.

Without thinking too much further I continued my response to Mist, who at this point was lying with her head on my chest, and I said, I'd go away up into the woods of Wisconsin, Minnesota, or maybe Maine or Canada and live the rest of my days as a hermit, far away from the world... alone. This seemed like a brilliant answer to me - Misti, was less pleased.

I don't know if it was what she said next, or how she said it, or how I was listening to her, but when she said to me, "if I was about to die I'd tell you to grab our important papers, take trains, a change of clothes, and go live near Ian and Richard." When the words were coming out of her mouth they were sweet and innocent, so kind and calm. In that moment, as she was speaking I could feel the tears welling up inside of me, I held them back, and what few slipped out were cloaked in the darkness of our bedroom. As she spoke I was transported to some hospital room - someplace sterile and white with ugly wallpaper, and boring borders separating the ceiling from the walls. I could envision her mouthing those exact words to me, serenely slipping into her final moments.

I became acutely aware of one very important thing in that moment, sad, and sappy as it may seem, it occurred to me that I had not known love in it's deepest forms until now -- maybe I still don't, but I know for sure, I'd never known love before then. I had an idea of what love was, I had a glimpse of it, but never had I known love. In that moment, I realized very quickly that love was her caring so much for me in her death that she'd think to tell me to bring trains because it's my favorite board game. She thinks of everything.

Even reminiscing that conversation I'm brought to tears. I'd like to think that it's just my allergies, but I know it's not. I've never loved my wife more than I do right now. I'd cut off my right arm and give it to her if she wanted it (maybe not literally give my right arm, because honestly, why would she ever need my unattached right arm?).

I have midterms this week. I could have taken them before the trip to Jacksonville, but what's a vacation if you don't have major tests looming overhead. I don't know why I felt compelled to write this, after all I do need to study. I guess I needed to write this. I needed to get this out of me, to verbalize what I've felt in the instant. Unassuming, unpretentious, sweet, sacrificial love... I wouldn't trade it for the world. Thank you Misti.

2007-02-24T01:40:00.000-08:00

I was driving home tonight from Church (at 2:30am) and I was thinking as I was cruising down the open stretch of I90/94 here in Chicago. I was thinking, "wow, I'm content here."

Now don't hear me wrong. I'm not ready to settle down here in Chicago - far from it. But I am content. I've been thinking about Paul who was once named Saul quite a bit lately. Maybe it's because my brain has been so tuned to my favorite book Galatians, but for whatever reason, I've just had him on the brain. As a result, it has occured to me that like Paul, I too am in my learning phase. I'm away from all that I know, and set apart to learn how to do the ministry that Christ has called me toward.

I'm to the point where I can see myself looking back fondly on my time here in Chicago. I think tonight was the first time that I've come to that realization. I have not forgotten how much of a struggle this has been by any means. But for the first time, I'm seeing the sum total as a good thing. This place will ultimately have a really sweet place in my heart, after all there have been a lot of firsts accomplished here:

1. My first apartment (not a dorm, or living with a family) was here.

2. My first experience living a long way from home - further than I can drive by myself in one day.

3. My first apartment as a married man.

4. Where I spent my first year as a married man

5. My first time being in a REALLY big city for any extended period of time.

6. My first time living somewhere away from the people I know, and know me.

7. My first time buying my own car from a dealer

Believe it or not,

8. This is the first time I've ever worked with a Youth group I wasn't in.

I like Skokie. I like being across the street from the Crafty Beaver hardware store, the Aldi, and the Market Place (which sells produce and ethnic food, you know, whole pickled pig's heads, sheep hearts, etc.). To walk through our Fresh market, is to walk into a whole new world. I like having an alley on two sides of me. There's something sinister about the alley - abandoned shoes hanging from telephone lines, old plastic bags blowing through the poorly lit throughway. The alley is home to the street urchin kids, rats the size of small dogs, dirt, and soot. The alley's aren't clean and they aren't quiet, but among the dirt, animals, eastern european shouts, and honking horns, there is a charm about it that evades the main streets where the people walk.

I do not like the Gang that lives and operates on my block. I do not like seeing Latin kings tagged on my storage doorway, or the knowledge that the little hoodlums like to go meander up the back steps of our apartment in the summertime to sit on the roof of my unit. But nothing is perfect, especially not home, and especially not in this fallen world.

Anyway, I like where I live. I like my home. I love my wife, and all in all, this has been a really great first year of marriage. I know Paul suggested to not get married, and in retrospect, I can see why he was saying that, but if it weren't for misti I'd be a wreck in the ministry to which I would be assigned. I am big fan of marraige if you ask me.

Joel, I believe you and Erin just recently passed up half a year already. Congrats. I hope you both continue to have a wonderful first year! It's nice to have someone else get married right around the same time as you. It's exciting to have someone else as a peer in that particular way.

With thanks to Pillar

2007-02-23T14:49:00.000-08:00

I learned something new today. Well, maybe that's an overstatement - more correctly, I remembered a very important thing today that had been sitting on my heart for the last couple of weeks or so. It's about love, so be prepared.

the last couple of nights I've been trying to finish the book, Red by Ted Dekker. Without giving too much away it's a series (Black - fall, Red - Salvation, White - heaven) about salvation history, just put into a different light. It's easy to follow, and has been a REally interesting read. With that said however, I've been having a tough time finishing this book. I don't know why, I just have been. Now, as I was sitting around the house today on my day off, doing very little productive work, but thinking none the less and I was hit by something we were looking at over the bible study I've been leading with my HS Junior Fella's, Gal. 2:20.

Something about that verse was really sticking in my head and I couldn't place it so I sat and contemplated until I saw what the Lord was trying to tell me. Turns out, he was telling me the same stuff that I'd been hearing from him for some time now: keep working to worship. I don't know if this makes sense at all, but I'm telling you what... that's the kind of word that makes my heart rejoice. Here's how I got there:

1. I have been crucified with Christ
2. I no longer live this life in the flesh
3. I now live by faith in Christ (the son god, who gave himself for me)

Man. He really gave himself for me! He really died so, that I can live with him. I realized that MY life is a crucified life; my heart is Christ's alone! If I'm anything else, I'm not living the life that I've been given to live. It's dawning on me that there is no middle ground, there is no lukewarm, there is no safety. There is crucified or not. There is worship or there is not.

Well, for anyone reading this and not able to comprehend a thing I'm saying, don't worry about it. You're not alone. I don't quite have it nailed down myself. Right now, the thought balloons are still floating in the air. I see what they are, and I see the strings and how they probably relate to each other, but I don't quite have them tied down to the ground yet. Anyway, thanks for getting me thinking Pillar. At least if I'm not going to be doing anything terribly productive, I can think on the excellencies of God!

with you here...

2007-02-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

Last night was the hallmark sanctioned Valentine's day holiday. It's the kind of thing that I generally avoid with ninja-like stealth. However, this year we celebrated our valentine's day on valentine's day for one very important reason: Misti won't happen to be here for our Valentine's day, which, as it so happens is why I'm writing this blog.

I miss my wife. I realize I feel this way every time she leaves for anything she has to go to. But, it's lonely coming home to a warm, but empty apartment. I'm used to her, shuttling around the apartment like a patriot missle hunting down a SCUD. I'm used to her opening the door when I come home and giving me a kiss, or a hug, or telling me the crazy thing that happened to her on the way to market... even when she's mad at me when I walk in the door, at least she says my name and hello (even if what follows isn't very enticing). But now the apartment is just empty. It's silent here, and unlike Jonesy I don't play WoW, so I can't fill my time with that.

It's a starke reality to find out that you've come to depend on someone else for even the smallest inconsequential things, like greeting me when I come to the door. I pulled out dinner tonight Tater Tots, Seasoned french fries, peas, and two pre-marinated chicken breasts. I don't have the desire to do something exciting like cook a meal that I'd be proud of, or that even would provide proper nutrition. I really miss my wife.

For years, my mom used to freak out when my dad would go out on buisness trips. She'd lock all the windows and doors, stay up until all hours of the night, not let myself or my sister leave the house or spend the night out at a friends house. I never understood why she'd go so nutso when he'd leave, but I think now I can understand it. Misti's gone on trips to visit her family a number of times since we've been married, and being alone never gets any easier for me... quite the opposite, the longer I know her, the more I miss her. My parents have been married for more years than I can recall and it makes sense to me how attached my mom is to my dad, I hope I don't make my kids stay home with me, but I also hope I never get comfortable with my wife being gone.

I heard a song on my Itunes that pretty much sums it up. It's by Nickel Creek off This Side, the song is called "Hanging by a thread" (incidentally, this is an excellent CD to anyone who appreciates Nickel Creek). Though the whole song really resonates with how I'm feeling, the chorus in particular gets down to the point. With you here, baby I am strong, no sign of weakness. With you gone, baby I am hanging by a thread.

I sure do miss my wife.

Did I start speaking Chinese and not realize it...

2007-02-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

I was trying to write an email to a couple of friends of mine yesterday, and I retried it today. Actually, if I'm going to be completely honest I've tried writing it 5 times now in the last 6 days. I don't exactly know when it happened but somewhere down the line, I started speaking a language that no one other than myself can understand. I write in this language, and think in this language and as a result I stand alone with this language like a foriegner in a foriegn land. For the first time in my life, I can begin to relate to people who come to america and can't speak the language well. I understand now how so many really smart people are labled incompetant, simply because they don't speak in a way that the masses are willing to listen to.

It is a difficult revelation to find out that you can no longer have an intelligent conversation with anyone because what you think is reasoned, succinct, and understandable, is in all actuality jumbled, convoluted, and overdrawn. My comments are laughable to my friends here and though none of them know they are doing it, they disregard my thoughts on many of the important discussions which proceed from their mouths. It seems the harder I try to make my thoughts fit into the current molds around me the more convoluted they become. Maybe these conversations aren't all that important in the long run, but right now they seem to be pretty important so it hurts to not have a valid input.

Never in my life have I felt dumber than I do now. I read scholarly books and understand what they're saying momentarily then I'm lost again. I'll read and read and have no idea what they're talking about 3 pages later. Mist tries her best to help me out but I don't think she fully understands how compounded this problem has become. There is no one I know who speaks my language or even comes close to understanding what I'm trying to say. I feel like I've got something wrong with me, and instead of getting better, I'm just progressively getting worse and worse. I'm looking at all these situations where I've been misunderstood, misinterpruted, or outright dismissed, and at first it's easy to say, "yeah... for some reason they just don't validate my opinion... they're so closeminded to change" but then at some point, I have to start looking at the common denominator - me. Maybe it's not them that has the problem, but it's me.

It's been a while since I've wanted to become a hermit, but I've got to admit, I'm getting close again. I'm concerned that I've got nothing to offer this world, that I'm 27, in the prime of my life and have nothing of consequence that is useful to this world, or at the very least this country. I'm sure that's not true, I'm sure the Lord will use me to do immeasurably great things, but after so many years of stumbling through life, waiting for that time when He chooses to use me, I've become discouraged, and I long for the time when He sets me apart for Himself to do all that he has created me to do. My only hope now is in the knowledge that he used Gideon to defeat the Midianites against all odds, He sustained David and protected Him from Saul's army, He gave Peter all he needed to lead the fledgling church when Christ left, and He's gotten me this far (though I don't know how).

fat tim and the twins...

2007-01-02T01:04:00.000-08:00

Now, now, now... don't let the title fool you. This is not about anything obscene, I was simply thinking up a random name and somehow big Tim and the Twins came to mind (think what you will).

Well, tonight I was heading home from a meeting with some friends from YNP summer project, KV(b) and Frank. I realized, that I really like them. I mean, I would seriously want to hang out with them if they didn't live in Bloomington, IN that is. KV(b) is actually an artist - one of the rare breed of artists who lack the inbred pretention that has somehow cunnived it's way into the fabric of the artistic community. It really is fun to actually dialogue with a fellow artist, and hear what they are thinking, especially when you respect that individual as both an artist and a christian. Frank is someone whom I've been very fortunate to get to know via KV(b), and he is every stereotype of the outdoorsy do it all guide all rolled up into one individual. He's not a burly guy, in fact he's quite skinny and lacking a beard, however he's very down to earth, funny and always seems to have something interesting to say. One thing that I respect the most about Frank is how genuine his love for KV(b) is.

Frank and KV(b) were only in town for a couple of days so I was pretty glad to see them tonight and chill with them. I always expect lively conversation so there was nothing particularly, out of the ordinary concerning the trialogue we all were having, but i was surprised at the topic -- "What happened to reaching the artist?"

I must admit this was right up my wheel house since I wrote my thesis on this very topic. But, what amazes me is how many other people out there feel the same way I do, and just don't know how to voice it. (Of course, I'm only just now learning how to voice it... but that's another story for another time.) As we talked it became so clear that artistically, creatively minded individuals have gotten cast off from the machine we call church! It's like they were the wiley old coot who only speaks wiley ol' coot and holds in his pockets a very important part of the conductor's map, but gets thrown off the train with map in tow because he can't understand nor communicate in the same way as others want him to communicate. Instead an essential part of the operation is thrown out entirely, so that the status quo can be maintained, instead of trying to improve the general situation through some real work in building bridges of understanding between Ol' coot and Train language.

In this scenario, no one is going anywhere, the Ol coot is off the train without a ride, and the train keeps heading down a track that will eventually end and derail without the necessary info from the Ol coot! We seem to do a wonderful job of affirming that the musical arts are very good, and that everything having to with musical worship is the essence of worship itself, but why does worship have to become so constrained?

God chose artisan's not just workers to build his arc of the covenant in Exodus. They crafted finely engraved statues of Gold and a room set to the exact specifications of the most holy god! Is it then right for us to dismiss the workmen of God for the sake of a mass, cowed into groups allowing them to all think and react the same way under the same conditions! ANyway, it's late and I work tomorrow. Plus, my eyelids are no longer functioning. I believe my body is breakings dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn.

free time...

2006-12-29T23:37:00.000-08:00

With school coming to a close (well, that may not be entirely true... but for now, we'll say coming to a close), I've had an opening of free time. Mind you, this is no expanse of free time, just enough free time to make the odd day off from work an actual day off - not simply another study time.

I've used my time pretty well I'd say, actually better than when I was in school. I've just recently finished a book which I started on Monday, and it was so good I'm going to read the next two in the trilogy, possibly the final two that he's just put out for print! I've gotten the Rosetta stone software so I can learn how to understand and speak German, plus I'm planning on listening to a book on tape, "Bob Dylan" as read by Sean Penn; and reading a book about the environment and weather over time, which I wasn't able to finish over the summer due to an increasingly busy schedule.

Whether or not any of these lofty aspirations become accomplished is of no great big deal to me. The point is I'm doing something productive and enjoyable all at the same time. Sure I'm about 10 paintings behind for those whom I've promised a painting, but whatever... I'll get them done soon enough.

I'm not actually saying this to brag or be exude some sense of intellectual superiority. The point for saying all this is 2 fold:
1. I never realized how fun reading and learning was until I didn't have to do it.
2. The first book, Black, in the Black, White, Red series is astounding, and I think everyone should it. And, being of those who ardently support the reading of such material I'm going to provide anyone with a curious mind and the time to kill, a reasoned criticism of my own thoughts concerning Ted Dekker's Black.

First of all it should be noted, that you should read this book on the fact that it has the coolest dust cover available to the reading public parousing the christian book aisle (possibly any aisle).

Second it does something unique in it's weaving of the biblical yarn, both in how it's written and the way it speaks. Uniquely, the book achieves a portrayel of the fall from an emotive perspective (I'd give more but I don't want to spoil the ending, though it will be guessed.) It has been astoundingly, powerful in its force of delivery, conveying a story the bible presents in two pages, over the span of 400. Bringing you into the emotion of the story - a rollercoaster of deeply abiding in love, to deception, to grace, into despair. Floating from Adam to exillic Israel the emotions of the ancient Jews are touched and embraced, as a simple understanding of the bible has never afforded me before.

Am I going to stop reading the bible? No. But it sure has made the bible come alive for me especially the parts that I always wondered about like - "How was it to be deceived by satan?" I found myself talking with Misti saying, "Satan is so freakin' evil! I feel awful that Eve was ever in that situation. She never had a chance!"

Did this book answer any questions definitively about the bible? NO way! It's just fiction, it's just one man's fantastical idea of what that abstractly could've looked like. But if nothing else, it was outrageously interesting! I highly recommend it.

OH... I almost forgot.

Another great factor is it's unpretntious naming. For once, a Christian fic. novel dispensing of your typical christian-fiction cheese ball narrative with goofball names that you recognize right away and say, "Are you kidding me?" Some of the names used are close and suggestive, but not enough to make you become aggrivated at their dismissal of your intelligence.

Here's to Newlywedom!!!

2006-12-29T08:41:00.000-08:00

so appearently somewhere down the line, my wife turned into June Cleaver. I'm not quite sure what happened, all I know is that one day I was experiencing the turmoil and joys of marraige then the next she came home all excited from the grocery store because she bought lemon grass for the first time to use in a dish.

I realize buying a little lemon grass doesn't necessarily qualify a person as being June Cleaver, but being really excited about grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning the house does! This should not come as a shock to anyone who knows Misti well, nor should it come as a shock that I'm living in my own personal heaven right now. What will come as a shock is the eventual decline of my idyllic existence. Hopefully, I get a good many years before that day, but in the event that it happens sooner than later...

Here's to Newlywedom!

workin'... well maybe I should call it tryin'.

2006-11-24T09:46:00.000-08:00

So here I am at "The Meeting Place," it's this coffee shop near where misti's parents live. It's actually right across the street from the church where I got married, and the hotel room where I spent the first night of my marraige. I really am trying to work on this paper but I've been so distracted that it drives me nuts. But now I'm starting to get dialed in on this paper, and just in time... cause this place is starting to get hopping!

But I digress. So there I am writing, and sipping coffee, generally minding my own buisness as I send a reply email to Ruthid on a matter of great importance. I think to myself as I'm typing, "AHH... I'm finally starting to wake up and get a little momentum on this paper writing buisness..." That was until the pretty, brunette of a clerk walked into my field of vision. (Now, before I get ridiculed and chastised for a wandering eye, I should be fully heard out.) Yes, she was attractive. I wasn't interested in so much as her name, but I would be lying if I didn't notice she wasn't attractive... and there's not a thing wrong with that! So, at this point I'm still able to pay attention to my paper, and work with an ever increasing aptitude for writing when all of the sudden I look up from my computer screen tucked into the corner and there it is -- this young girl standing in front of me with her rear end pointed directly at my face!

Ok, I understand how ridiculous this sounds but I'm serious... it was highly distracting! Just seconds earlier i was completely fine, minding my own buisness when all of the sudden her buisness is wiggling right there in front of me and I'm forced into evasive action, shielding my eyes from noticing anything more of her than already had!

Now to her credit, I don't think she could avoid doing what she did, as she was trying to adjust the gift baskets being offered along the half wall I'm sitting behind. But it really did screw up my attention.

On a seperate note completely... I've been listening to Grits' Dichotomy B album and it's REALLY good. I'm definitely digging it!

myspace... giving aggregious anonymity the keys to our ethical future.

2006-11-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

I spent the last 2 hours reading the seedy underbelly of one of my student's myspace links. He's a fairly normal kid without too much going on, doesn't say much... he just kinda' comes and does his thing and then leaves. I've been pretty much of the, invite him and let him make the next move to come hang with us... I wonder if I should change my approach and become a little more aggressive.
As I read his facebook, I saw his myspace link and the subsequent name (which I'm not going to mention). I don't really know what to think about it. It was actually disgusting and gross. It was the unmonitored, unadulterated mind of a 16 year old boy with no filter, no fear, no remorse, because all the evil that's said in private has to stay in private right?
What's sad is that one day he's going to realize how juvenile all this nonsense has been, and he's going to regret the words that he wrote in private, and then one day all those words he wrote in private will be made public or else they'll eat him from the inside out. They'll destroy him, rotting him from inside. I seriously doubt he's done a tenth of the things he says he's done, but these are his aspirations and it makes me wonder if his change of mood is due to a new found look into the world of heroin and pot.
Sadly, he will go on, unchallenged and anonymous -- precisely what he'll want. He'll let his twisted fantasies work themselves out in his head over and over again, alone at his computer and then one day he'll finally get bold and do something about them. My friend, on that day your sins will find you. What was hidden will become known, and all that your anonymity was used to protect will prove to destroy all the ivory towers you've built up to protect the evil that lurks at the center.
That truly saddens me.

Everything has changed...

2006-11-10T20:37:00.000-08:00

This is the first in a series of lifestyle changes on my part -- all thanks to the beauty of truth found within the scriptures. Anyone who says that the bible is dead and that God no longer speaks has obviously not sat and meditated on the word for any great length of time! I spent wednesday afternoon in my weekly life group; appropriately titled since that's what it's really affecting -- my life! We looked over Col. 3:12-17 and Holy Lord in Heaven what a word!

Sure, is there stuff that's exciting about those verses on the outset... OH yeah! I mean, how exciting is it to hear that we are:
1. God's Chosen people HOLY and dearly LoVED! Do you get it!! If that doesn't give you chills up your spine, you AREN'T Getting it! That's not just a suggestion to live up to... this buisness of being Holy and Loved, that's not even a suggestion... IT'S A PROMISE!!! Get it!! HOLY and LOVED is a current state of affairs, in the eyes of God we are Holy and Loved, and now as a result
2. We have the HOLY and BELOVED character of GOD... not good times Charlie down at the bar drowning his crappy sales month in a couple bottles of Jack... GOD! THE ALMIGHTY! None other than the King of HEAVEN and EARTH!
3. As a result we are commanded to act according to this new character... BAM! That means we have no reason to doubt that we can love the unlovable or those who are hard for us to love becuase we are now operating under a different standard, a different character, a different set of scruples... GOD'S personal scruples!
4. And if that's too difficult He simplifies it for us... Love them. If it's how I'd act do it! I can't believe I'm about to say this but dang! WWJD!
5. We are members of Christ's Body... We don't have to go it alone! We've got the whole of scripture, the whole of church history, the whole of the people of God, SHOOT we've got the WHOLE of GOD within us, working for our Good and his great name... I liken it to the corporate attorney who comes to you at a time of crisis.
... but it's more than just superficial implications that are striking me in the sola plexis like a well placed karate chop... it's the knowledge of what could happen if I actually take this stuff seriously! People i know that don't know christ WILL be changed for knowing me. Seriously, they will be changed for knowing me and God will have proven you can in fact, love people into the kingdom. For instance, coworkers can come to know the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ because I choose to love them with all their quirks, and not reject them or even love them IN SPITE of their wierdness. Choosing to actually love someone for who they are might actually make them long for Christ -- long for a perfect love, that drives out all fear!

You know for the first time in some time, I really believe God will use my talents in miraculous ways... "gift of Gab" you may be saying to yourselves can not save the world. Very true, but the gift of wholely loving someone can, and I believe will!!!

For anyone interested here are the verses in question:

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yo
urselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

ignorance is bliss...

2006-09-23T21:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I had a minor crisis last night... my computer crashed. I kinda' saw it coming, the funny noises at start up the stranger than normal smells coming from behind the computer box. The midsentence freeze my computer did without allowing itself to start back up, irregardless of my best efforts to revitalize it. No, I'm afraid this was somewhat expected. Unexpected however, was my ability to make a reliable guess as to what exactly went wrong. You see, I've been suspecting that my fan on the motherboard would fail pretty soon, and believe it or not I think that's what actually happened.

Due to the faint odor of an iron being used for the first time in months, I deduced that the fan burnt out, and in doing so was allowing the computer to run far too hot. As a result, I had a system malfunction. My question to anyone who:
1. cares
2. knows anything about computers
is simply, assuming it is the fan... do I just go buy a new fan, or is this most likely endemic of something much larger, more sinister... say a shorted motherboard. In which case I guess I have to replace the motherboard. Or do I have to replace both motherboard and fan regardless of damage done to the motherboard, as they work hand in hand. Or am I just crazy and this is something much worse.

As of now, I'm living in the ignorant bliss of feeling secure in a very limited understanding on the inner workings of computers and the conclusions that ignorance has brought me to. At any rate, if someone must burst my bubble go right on ahead.

This computer has sucked from day one!!

shea

too pooped to pucker... or am I?

2006-09-19T20:45:00.000-07:00

I'm incredibly tired. It's only september 19th... and my heavy load of schoolwork hasn't even started yet. This does not bode well for our hero.

finally... I'm up to date.

2006-09-13T12:08:00.000-07:00

So as promised, my trip to jacksonville is now a matter of record. Now I can get on with the job of writing down the current thoughts and matters that go along every day, buzzing through my head. And now the all the nameless faces and fingers dancing, and sliding over their keyboards can gaze upon my life and make fun of me and what I say behind my back, with the great assuredness that I'll never know what they're saying. What a beautiful thing the internet is.

Heading back to the corn states

2006-09-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

It’s been a long day for the willis. Awfully long, as a matter of fact. There’s nothing that I’d like right now, (within reason) more than seeing my wife, and life -- as it appears -- is conspiring against me. If it’s not one thing it’s another, and it all ultimately culminates into a flight originally set to leave at 7:37p canceled. This leaves me with only one option jockey for position to get into the next flight. Usually this isn’t a problem when given proper notice, however FREAKIN’ AMERICAN AIRLINES decided that information dissemination wasn’t a high priority issue for their passengers. Hence, no notices were given. I’m sure if it weren’t for the kindly lady frustrated by the increasing informative mayhem that is the great communication conduit, American Airlines, I too would be watching this flight take off from the Miami D Terminal instead of on this plane, barely escaping the clutches of Miami International Airport.
Here I am on this flight with literally the last ticket available. I feel inextricably tied to one mr. Jimmy Buffet in Last mango in paradise and his last ticket out of Saigon. Miami International may not be Saigon, but I sure am glad I’m outta’ there.
Uncomfortably, I am sitting in this airline seat squished between the passing airline attendants who seem to enjoy without restraint careening into me as they pass by my seat, the very last in the airplane, and an extremely nice lady with two young boys, both of whom I fear will wake up with every deft stroke of my fingers upon the keypad – that is until the airline stewardesses drop what sounds like a 15 lb wieght from their little drink car – maybe my screen isn’t helping matters any (I just realized I can dramatically decrease the brightness of my screen, maybe he’ll sleep a little easier now.)

In case, I hadn’t mentioned this yet, I miss my wonderful bride. It’s true... I am being a pansy, but I miss my bride. I miss talking to her, looking at her, laughing with/at her, getting frustrated by things she says, pushing her buttons, and even hearing her get mad at me. I’ve decided that though this makes me a wussy, it is well with me to be so. The Reason you ask, Simple: I’m a newlywed and this is just what newlyweds do. Personally, I’d want it no other way.
The trip in a nutshell:
In full anticipation of what questions are to come I’m going to devise my answers right here, and right now.
1. How was your time in jacksonville? Awesome.
2. What did you do? All kinds of stuff.
3. How was it seeing your friends? Awesome.
4. Did you want to come back home? Look OUT!!! a baseball!!
It’s at this point that my great escape from the conversation will be made thereby evading any real emotional discussions concerning the great inescapable questions that invariably create such incredible tension between vacationing and transitioning back into reality.
Honestly, there’s still too much, too far from the surface to pull down onto the paper below... besides, I’m getting pooped out.

july 24

2006-09-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

July 24th, 2006 – my dad’s birthday
My body is just on shutdown mode, and I could seriously take a nap right now. But, as a nap is not a feasible option I will write out my thoughts.
Shelby’s, I’ve missed this place. I’ve missed hoping for the best and not knowing what that may fully entail. It’s like being around the opening of a river mouth without a boat looking across the expanse and thinking to yourself, "I can do this. I can get across." Only to find yourself trudging through the middle of the river mouth looking across what seems to be an eternity of a river waiting on your first and last misstep, swallowing you whole into the blue depths of the awaiting ocean. Now, instead of drawing nearer to the shore with reckless abandon our hero hesitates in his jumps, he questions his ability to reach each rock and retain his safety, because no one wants to get swept up into the crushing ocean. Only doubts and fears are left to riddle the body of the confidence necessary to make the leaps of faith that just three rocks ago brought him to this lowly position. Feet seem like miles and the muscles are as tenable as the molecules of water passing below, by, and near his very feet. And that is precisely where I am at today. It’s almost like someone just took me out of the river temporarily so I could catch my breath (coming back), but now I’m going back.
I realize this isn’t the most optimistic view of my home base in Chicago and my time with my wife. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my wife – she’s not the problem. I’m the problem, I’m missing... ahh... It’s tough to explain, I’ve got too much to think about, too many balloons in the air, too much demanding my attention and all of tearing my attention away from the very woman that I want to give it all to! Why is that something I’ve allowed to happen to me. When did I let my time spin so far out of control? Unfortunately, that’s not a question I have an answer to, what I do have, however, is an answer. It’s time to take my own advice and cut the fat before I get choked out because of it. No amount of opportunity or money should ever endeavor me to give up on loving my wife with the reckless abandon I began with. Do I know what I’m going to do when I graduate? Do I know what I want to do... what about what ‘we’ want to do? Do I know how I’m going to support my family through this last little bit of school or am I playing with fire and allowing myself to get deeper in debt without hope of finishing or being clear? Simply, I must say no. I just don’t know what I’m doing. After all, I’ve never done this before I’ve never given this much of myself. But what I have done is trust the lord to clear up the dark places in my mental picture. He hasn’t let me down yet, and I have no reason to believe he ever will – so I see this next rock in the river and none others, but that being what it is, I’m still going to press onward, charge forward, surge ahead of he crowd through dangerous waters. Why? Because that’s what my wife deserves... because that’s what the Lord has blessed me with, and because I Refuse to be a bystander watching the Lord pour out his blessing on the bold spirits who were willing to trust in him completely.

2006-09-13T11:58:00.001-07:00

I’m far above the clouds today and all I can think of is my life on the ground. It’s a strange phenomenon this business of being in love and connected to a woman so intimately that you need her, and when she’s not around you feel alone, disconnected and to some extent lost in the world without a cause or preoccupation that could ever fully fill the void that comes with every passing mile on this long journey through the air from Chicago to Miami. It’s funny, the very mention of the route "Chicago to Miami" brings her to mind. Maybe I’m crazy and this is simply the exasperation that comes with long miles and too much time alone with thoughts that don’t do anyone a lick of good. I do think it’s nice having this laptop though. There’s nothing like being able to write while the idea is still fresh in my mind.
It’s exciting though. This flying business that is. It’s exciting because your weightless , or at least that’s how it feels, it’s as though there’s nothing that can touch you here – as though the world has fallen away and the evils on the ground are far, far from where you sit. That’s the funny thing about isolation, it’s safe – though you have no right to feel that way whatsoever.
I’m going home today to see my family, my friends, my haunts, and taking the chance that my haunts will unfortunately find me as well. But regardless what happens, and who I may run into, this will be a geat trip. An experience to write home about is never a bad thing no matter what happened in the process, getting to that point. I hope my expectations aren’t set so high that they can’t be met, but really, what’s the point of having a great vacation/re-connection if you don’t let yourself get excited about it.
Well, I think I’m about to lose whatever little battery I had to begin this trip (3 hours my foot), so I’m going to end this entry of my trip journal. So with great joy and the intrepid spirit that brings men to the point of being willing to pee in the trough at baseball games, I’m signing off. Until I find a source of power – salu!!!

2006-09-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

Boo creepy foot doctor... HOORAY Blogs!

2006-08-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

well, folks this is the last installment I'll be making before I update everyone on my trip I just made -- in July. There really is something to be said for laziness and ineptitude. Here I am with all the tools necessary to actually send out blogs that have been long since written and with every chance I get, I choose to do something else. Really, isn't that the beauty of being lazy... knowing you have to do something important, and still choosing to do something of lesser, or insignificant importance. Speaking of which, I have homework reading to get on top of (that's code for I'm going to grab some lunch -- but seriously, I do have a ton of reading.)

later,
Shea

palms on the water.

2006-08-24T11:25:00.000-07:00

Well folks, this is the latest in the line of my Artistic creations. Suffice it to say, it is not the best picture ever taken but in person I promise this painting is much more lively and colorful. I've got to admit it felt great doing this painting it was like I was home again if only for a little while and reminded me of home much I really do love the beach. Maybe if I ever get this painting well photographed for a catalog I'll send some shots down, until then, this is the best we've got going.

apologies, apologies... but first things first...

2006-08-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

First of all, I must apologize to anyone still anxiously awaiting my posts for my trip to Florida. I can assure they are on their way, and would be here already if I could find a place to log on the the internet with my Laptop (like say, my own home)... well, let's face it... the real problem is that I've been kidnapped by crazy Illinesians for the last month, their just so impressed with my innate ability to procure information they thought that I was some sort of genius, turns out I was sick with the flu. Ok, so maybe that's not the whole truth -- they were from Indiana, and I wasn't sick with the flu, but I'm pretty sure someone kidnapped me!

Anyway, getting back to why I set out to make such a late night rendevous with my computer and assert my own literary genius and dark and shadowed world of Interenet slimeballs and Angels alike -- my wife. Joel, you'll be especially attuned to what I'm about to spew forth from my fingers, but to the rest of you out there reading, "Read and be saddened by what you don't have -- then maybe that'll light a fire under your butts" (YOU know who you are Scotty H., Dubey... ahhemm... Seth ahhhem...)

As I was saying before I interrupted myself -- I was up tonight working on some preliminary reading for one of my classes when I decided it was high time to go to bed. My eyes were getting heavy and I had already nodded off once for 5 or 10 minutes. I packed up my hovel on the couch and headed to the bedroom were I slipped off my shorts (I Was wearing boxers underneath you sickos) and I proceeded to slip into bed. There I was in bed with my slumbering wife just feet from me, when I did something I don't often do... I reached over and touched her running my hand over her back. I didn't wake her nor was I trying to, I simply was facinated by the creature so gently sleeping next to me that I was taken back by how amazing it is that I'm married. She's an angel, and I realize I'm using poetic liscense to say that, but there's just something about her lying there in her t-shirt and white sweat pants -- still and quiet -- asleep, that is absolutely angelic. I know there may be those out there who would poo poo such a sweet response to my wife as this, but they are haters who don't understand the Joy that comes from seeing someone lay next to you and know without a shadow of a doubt that that person will not leave you nor ever forget her love for me. I think this is my favorite part of being married -- watching her sleep, and gently touching her form as she does -- that's some good stuff man!!

A reaction returned...

2006-07-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

It appears more than a few of you read my blog last week... and none very much satisfied with my inclinations of imagination. So, to the two of you who have responded with much anticipated questions -- I devote this blog to you.

To Richard, my much esteemed friend and associate in crime. I chose your part because it was -- well, it was obvious. You are my friend and so you know my knowledge of you is intimate, and every action, every misstep, every word that slipped out of that poor man's mouth smacked of El Dubie. Your character was a charming, yet unassuming gentleman. He was refined, yet uninterested (mostly) in the charge of high society, rather, he was devoted to love -- even when afar, devoted to the love he lost due to the bad advice of a friend. Please, keep in mind it is not the similarity of situation which places you in the skin of such a man, but the reaction to the situation. His reaction is in no way (in my mind) different than the way in which you would respond if put into the very same situation.

As for your second point mr. Dubie, as we have discussed earlier, my casting of bonnie baxley has nothing to do with her relationship to you. All these choices are gut instinct, immediate reaction choices based on the great amount or little that I know of each person. In the case of bonnie, it is true, I know very little of her pre relationship... however, to be honest, I know even less (first hand) of her in the relationship. But, if I must defend my selection I will. There are a few things I know of bonnie (whether true or not is inconsequential, this is what I know of bonnie)
1. She is quiet, kind, and blonde.
2. She responds to situations of stress and great thought with honesty, sincerity, and the perceived best interest of others at the heart of her response to those situations
3. Did I mention she physically resembles the character?
4. I don't know her any better to disqualify her, nor did her being chosen have any basis upon any other character. All characters where chosen upon their own merit apart from the other characters of the story (think abstract selection process and this selection may make more sense.)

Now, mr. Jones. You must know that your near selection with your character was NOT in any way picked by physical resemblance, or similarity of circumstance, i.e. a fanciful desire for a woman who in no way wants you. In fact, your strength of character was the very reason I could not compel myself to allow your name and his to be in association. Frankly, he's a punk. He's self-absorbed, and uncomfortable with the world around him. He is the antithesis of Mr. Bingley, precisely the kind of guy no one would want to be mixed up with, save a near-spinster craving nothing more than the elevated status of marraige.
Mr. Jones, I hope that your next discussion with Erin will be more enlightening once you mention what I'm about to write to her -- maybe this will shed light on your near choice of characters.

Say what you want about Mr. Collins -- good or bad, he is nothing if he is not self-assured, confident (even if undeservingly so), eager to be seen in a respectable light, and most importantly, singularly set on achieving his goal, no matter what the cost be it to his pride, wealth, or status (a seeming contradiction, except that all his decisions were based in elevation of pride, wealth and status through marraige -- thereby, any hit he takes in one of these three areas could be absorbed and repaired by the ultimate greater good of marraige which would elevate the three as a whole in a way not possible with any other life choice he could possibly make.)

JD, I hope you can see why you are far too interesting an individual to rest in cahoots with mr. collins. However, I hope that you see (when you see the movie/read the book) your self-assured confidence, and drive come out through the character of Mr. Collins. I believe it is all that will be similar.

Anyway, for any others with comments or questions please let me know your thoughts, I love the discussion.

See you Jviller's soon.

The Great and Mighty Rickshaw Jones Returns

2006-07-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

I think if I wrote a children's book, that would be the title of it. Quite nice if you ask me -- it has a certain ring to it that affectionately and unassumingly brings an air of brilliance and innocense to the lowly young boy in question by an alter ego so much larger than the droopy socks 8 sizes too large (and slightly mismatched.) "The Great and Mighty Rickshaw Jones Returns." Yes, I do believe it's enough to begin and end my book -- maybe even my own autobiography!

Tonight I am proud to say I have just watched a chick flick all by myself. Now, normally this would be a cause for concern and though there may be still concern brewing amongst those that know me best, I assure them I could not have made better use of my time than by doing just that. I watched the most recent version of Pride and Prejudice, something I had avoided like the plague up to this point. However, I must say I'm very glad I did. The movie was absolutely wonderful. It was a brilliant love story that has had no match in my opinion -- which makes me marvel at the sheer genius of Jane Austin, Who undoubtedly is our faulted heroine. This is one case where I am feeling very compeled to:
a. Buy the movie for myself - it was astounding! The cinematography, and scenery, the atire, the landscape... Unbelievable!
b. Buy the book and read it... cover to cover. Who would have thought such heart and passion could come from such an emotional frozen nationality. I am very impressed.

For those interested, here are my casting for the roles (character of characters : character of my friends) Please, for those of you mentioned there is no malice meant by any of these characterizations, I simply thought of you as I watched each particular role play out. As always please become familiar with the story before you chastize my thoughts.

Mr. Bingley - Dubie
Mr. Collins - though the arguement could be made for Joel, I decided Joel is much too personable and interesting to be such a dull character
Mrs. Bennet - Mrs. Hopkins, but this should be understood in it's context -- I see mrs. hopkins as nuturing and loving, unassuming and (unlike mrs. bennet) lacking completely in pretention and stupidity. Mrs. Bennet's reaction to Elizabeth's engagement was what sealed the deal for me.
Jane Bennet - [Dub please don't hate me for this] Bonnie Baxley. I have to believe this is the most evident of all my choices and the least unlikely -- watch or read and I'm sure this is self appearent.
Elizabeth Bennet - I see elements of my sister, and Becca boo (who by the way, I'd like to congratulate on getting engaged in real life this last month). If only you knew them this selection would make such unreal sense.
Mr. Bennet - I didn't see this until the end and then It all made complete sense to me... but I thought the role of mr. bennet was so clearly none other than, myself -- this of course is very strange considering mr. bennet is married to mrs. bennet... at any rate you have no need of worry Jerry, I'm not suggesting any thing more than an innocent casting call.

And finally, the most controversial of all my picks, the one that would surely collect flack from any lover of this fine piece of literature the role of none other than Mr. Darcy.

I say, boone baxter. [I'll wait for a second while all 2 of you reading this pick your jaw up off the floor.] I will now defend my choice. No one knows boone better than myself and throughout the whole movie, all I saw was a man devoted to single minded loving those whom he cared about. Sacrificially he gives of himself over and again... bending over backward to show his affection -- this my friends fits one boone baxter to an absolute tea. He is without a doubt the Mr. Darcy, thus rounding out my list.

(for those you not included -- ian, and misti -- I want you to know it's because you're one of a kind and not even great english literature could capture your personality into the heart and mind of one shea willis, the great rickshaw jones.

Question for the week

2006-06-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

My wife asked me tonight "where are you with the Lord?" This may seem like a very innocent question to be sure, but for some reason it was pregnant with all matter of importance. I don't know, it just seems to have caught me somewhat off gaurd. Where am I with the Lord? I don't know where I am. I know where I'm not! I know where my friends seem to be, and I know where she seems to be, and yet I don't know where I am.

This is a really disconcerting question if you don't have an answer, because the next logical question is "well, why don't you have an answer?" And now I'm really in a hole.

For starters I'm not sure I have the proper categories to understand what a productive, burdgeoning life with Christ looks like. Have I slipped in being intentional about doing the good things I do for Christ... yes. Have I been struggling and battling with the same sins day in and day out... praise god, no! Have I been consistently in the word? no. Have I been in the word at all? Hardly. Do I feel close to God? yes. Do I spend time daily praying? Not really. So where's my life in Christ? 1st gear, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, REVERSE.... I don't know.

I think something happened at seminary. I think in some degree it's not been good for me to be here. Somewhere between jacksonville and Chicago I lost my heart for the Lord. I don't know if I got tired of trying or if I just got bogged down. I do know I'm walking cautiously with the Lord, and I'm thinking maybe, my trust in him is wearing down like my brake pads, and that scares me. I guess you're not supposed to do this "comparing thing", (but I've seen myself do it anyway). I compare myself to everyone around me and I feel like I've lost touch with why I'm even here in the first place. They all know what they're doing and they love seminary and it's a wonderful life for them here and this is the greatest time of their spiritually mature lives. Me, I'm struggling to just remember where I last put my bible down at (not that actually even did more than pick it up, take it with me, and put it down.) much less read it daily and spend time in it! Is that what makes a thriving relationship?

Honestly, I feel like I've let my life become my bible, my scheduled activities my god and left very little of my memory to the Lord.

So where am I? I don't know... still. I know I'm moving forward (if slowly) and I know I'm not nearly back to where I was at 2/3 years ago. I guess I'm out of gear trying to shift into third, but having trouble with the clutch. I don't know if that makes sense... But it's where I'm at.

my life of crime

2006-06-02T06:01:00.000-07:00

I'm going to court today. This will officially be the first time I've ever been to court, which means that I'm now only a dozen court appearences behind the baxters. To thier credit though, for the most part they have rarely been the ones on trial. I will be on trial. It seems they got me because I killed a man in Reno last year... when they asked me why, I told the man, I did it, just to watch him die. Or it might be the parking ticket I got over my honeymoon, I'm not real sure which it'll be for, but I've been reading a lot grisham lately so that I can impress the judge with my legalese lingo.

Anyway, I better put on some pants and get going. Who knows maybe I'll throw on a shirt while I'm at it.

with a foot in two worlds.

2006-05-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

I miss the south. I miss the food, the people, the unpleasant humidity, my ability to count on rain at 1:00 and the rain to be done by 2:00. It's incredible the things that you remember when you are faced with the undeniable reality that you can do little to change your status of not having them (and more than likely never having them). Chicago has been in the 90's hot and sticky (pretty much like jax), but it's chicago. They have pinnies (not that I know too much about pinnies other than it's one of misti's favorite flowers), but they don't honeysuckle on the vines, there's no jasmine floating through the air, and I don't smell the ocean's salty water in the air. Even the rain is different here, it's small and hard, not like in Jax were if one rain drop hits you you're soaked because they're so large! I don't know, it's a different world up here, and to be honest I miss the old world more.

2006-05-25T09:13:00.000-07:00

I recently got a new job, and I think that today instead of sitting around I'm going to think about how to finish my little story that I started earlier. That seemed to help me out a bunch last time with sort of understanding what was going on. Hey, if parables worked for Jesus surely they should work for me.

By the way the picture on the right is of a painting I recently did.

Bowling and Golf

2006-05-01T09:55:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and my two middle digits on my right hand were so sore I could bearly move them up and down. Two days ago, I took my golf glove off my hand and it was red from the tremendous amounts of pressure placed on the skin of my fingers by the gripping (possibly overgripping) of my golf clubs. And today, as I recognize my age and how it's beginning to catch up to me, I rejoice in the splendor of a weekend spent enjoying the things of this life that I love to do but can not afford to do, unless someone else is paying. It was nice, if only fleeting.
I bowled 4 games last night, 156, 118, 124, 138. Sure there were two clunkers there in the middle but, man was it fun! Last week I played 36 holes of Golf and had so much spanking fun in the process! I can't believe how much Joy I get from those two sports which at first seem so simple and mundane. But I really do love em.
It's also occured to me that I need to get a job this summer and I'm not really all that positive where I'll work, but I'll figure it out... I hope.

Here's looking at you pig.

2006-04-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

Last night, my wife and I were sitting down to a spot of lunchish dinner and discussing our meals for the week, when we made the decision to visit the grocery store for some shopping (I say we because it too makes me sound clever and surprisingly responsible... though rarely, can I admit to suggesting such practical things, like, let's just say... grocery shopping when we run out of food, or even doing laundry before I'm out of clothes). In case you didn't know, this area (as are most areas close to Chicago and not the Northern Suburbs) is very ethnically diverse. This is part in parcel why I'm telling this story.You see, one thing you might not expect to see in the average meat dept. of your average grocerystore might be along the lines of bagged whole squid. Not completely outrageous but slightly out of the norm. Maybe you live in a really greek neighborhood and that's really actually pretty common.Ok... fair enough. But maybe you'd be a little wierded out if you were walking that same aisle and saw a bag of pig innerds sitting next to the pig liver, and just two spots away from the Hooves and hearts."What do you mean uncommon? I see that at my grocery store everyday." you say.Wow... that's pretty diverse for sure. But I know for sure what I'm about to say is off the wall because... well, frankly it's just really gross! Folks, there in front of me sat multiple skinned, de-toothed pig heads (don't worry... that marbley eye was still in tact staring right at me...)I must say my better sensibilities told me to keep walking but, somehow I just couldn't resist asking Misti the question... "why would you leave the eye?"Disgusted she turned to the frozen case across the aisle and said, "hey we could just go ahead and by rabbit instead of pork tonight." Tempting as it was, our budget did not allow for a 5 dollar hunk of rabbit for stew, though I'm sure it would have been dillectible. And people say southerner's eat strange things.
Seriously, what's a little road kill possum stew among friends? Is that so wrong?

Shea

PS: as for my last blog about computer stupidity -- I have had the last laugh... bwa ha ha!

Technical Difficulties

2006-04-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

Apparently my technical capabilities aren't what I'd like to think they are as, I've tried three times now to put a picture up on this thing... And though as seemingly easy as this task should be (I believe a monkey could do this if given proper incentive) I can not seem to make this function work properly. What a truly sad thing. Anyway, today's been pretty innocuous so far, nothing major has really happened nothing out of the ordinary, however, I might try and make a change to that by causing a little trouble today. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I think I'm going to do something mischievous. Alright, I'm spent... Time to work on the 500 pages of back reading I need to get done in the next two weeks.

Sleep... who knew how good it could be?!

2006-04-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

I must say, sleep does a body good. There's something to be said for the great deal of energy that surges through my veins as soon as good rest comes my way. It's like I'm getting the energy of weeks and months previously lost, back into my body. It's absolutely wonderful!
To give a slight update on my dear wife and the situation from before, I've found out that as usual, I was incorrect in my assessment. I wasn't far off, but I was off none the less. Turns out she's just feeling a little down in the dumps (well, she was). I think that a good bit of the dumps were caused by an overestimation of all that she should have gotten done. Meaning, when she didn't succeed in doing it, she felt let down and disappointed. She's such an interesting woman, and I'm finding out more and more how wildly fantastic and diverse my lack of knowledge concerning her really is. I must admit it's somewhat invigorating getting to explore the depths of her heart and mind, searching and finding out so many new things that I'd never even considered.
Finally, I must confess my spiritual life has been abismal since the week before my buddies came for the bachleor party. I'm talking nearly a month and half... maybe two, of just dry bones baking and bleaching in the desert sun. Over the last week I've begun to sense this desire to seek the word, and as the week has gone on the desire has strengthened and grown to the point that all day yesterday, I wanted to not do the things I was supposed to do and just spend the day with God. Forget church! Forget my Meetings! Forget my training! Just read, pray and study; study, read and pray... then I remembered those are all responsibilities I promised and they (the meetings) look forward to every sunday. Well, the long and short of it, is that I did it anyway, I just took Paul (my 12 o'clock) along with me.
All day today I've been yearning to understand why I don't pray, and I came back to this Idea of, "I don't pray because I'm afraid God will fail to come through, and I'm afraid what that will do to me... and what's more, I'm afraid he may actually answer me, and I won't know what category to put that in -- a GOD WHO LISTENS, then actually ANSWERS BACK!!!" And as I wrestled with it, I came back to the first desire of my heart -- God's Word! Jn 15:5-8 [I'm not going to quote the whole thing] "If you remain in me and my words in you... everything you ask for will be given to you... because it will bring Glory to God." I'm not sure if that's the exact quote I don't have a bible near me, but that's the essence of it. When I know and am bathing in god's word like it's a bath full of heavenly water than the very things I ask for will be the very things that God WANTS me to have. I won't ask for things that don't matter to Him because they ultimately won't matter to ME!!! But to do that I HAVE TO remain in HIM... and His WORD must DWELL in ME!!!
I know it's stupid and simple, probably as basic as the cross itself, but it's what I needed to hear and it excites me greatly to know that even in my disobedience God is faithful, and He is personal... not allowing me to stray so far from him that I'm left with nothing to give to anyone, and nothing to draw on even from myself. I do Love the Lord!

you are WELCOME.

2006-04-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

I'm in a bit of a silly mood today. You must understand that after what happened last night, I'm sleepy-- thereby, silly... "why so sleepy?" you must be muttering to yourself. Well I'll tell you, it's because misti and I got into it last night (and I don't mean Pajamas). We had a bit of very intense fellowship, and as a result there would be no sleep for yours truly (despite my best efforts to do so.) The only actual bit of comforting information I received was that of Misti Lynn who later confessed to me that she didn't sleep either.
I know you may be saying to yourself, "now Shea that doesn't sound so caring and nice." And you're right it doesn't, however, the fact that she couldn't sleep either says a lot about how she much she does care for me, and for now at least, while we're still incapable of good sleep after a fight, I'm appreciating every moment of it. I don't think it's very often in the life of the marraige that a man (myself) can find such a beautiful light in such a bad situation. Only now, at the beginning is that possible (or at the very least instinctual). Anyway, in case you hadn't already guessed things have gotten significantly better. By the time the sun began to shine I had worked through some issues in my own mind that had been brewing for some time and finally just came to a head. It was acually a pretty cool experience all told.

I'm also a bit silly because all day today, I worked alone in the bathroom at Trinity. Sure, sure, some of you may consider that to be abnormal behavior only suitable for bathroom attendants and people who like the smell of their own farts, but tis true, I too worked all day in the bathroom. Well, I'm off.

Shea

today is going to be a long day...

2006-04-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

What an interesting day today has turned out into being, and it's only just begun. It is now 9:11 am and I've been up tossing and turning in my sleep since misti left at 6. I had an awful dream about Misti and I, that I just won't get into now, as a public Blog may not be the most appropriate place to air my concerns, but it left me not in a cold sweat, but just cold. I felt used up and alone, frightened in a way I can't remember being frightened like since I had that dream a month before we got married. I called Mist and I think I'm not as frightened as I was a little while ago, but I'm still snotty and I wish she didn't have to be at work right now, so I could really talk to her about it and not just write it down on some silly blog. I am meeting with Andy at 12:45 to pray about this though, and I think that's encouraging me a great deal.
I don't know if it's normal to feel this way, but I've missed my wife lately. Even when she's here she's been far away. She still laughs at my jokes and she still talks to me, but she doesn't get excited to hear from my heart, and if I'm really being honest, I think I'm afraid to tell her about my heart anymore, because she is so far from me. I think I expected big fights in our first year of marraige, I dont think I expected this protracted war of attrition. I'm glad we're going to talk tonight, because i don't know how long I can go on like this.
I have a feeling tonight's conversation is going to go something along the lines of, "I dont' think you're doing a good job of leading me spiritually, of challenging me in my walk with the Lord, and that makes me want to pull away from you." To which, I will swallow whole, feeling like an abject failure, and say, "How then can I help lead you spiritually, what do you want from me?" to which she will say, "you can't do anything to make me have a better walk with the Lord. I don't know shea... I don't know what you can do." From here, I will ask a series of questions to her, hurt though I am, and she will share with me something that's at the tip of the iceberg, but is all the further she can go. She'll cry with tears, and I'll cry without tears, crying deep in my soul to just once feel like I'm doing a great job at being a husband. I probably won't sleep well, because that's how I cry (externally), and in my insomnia I will be accused of the lies I've told myself for years, and which the slightest miscues of life scream and rail against me all over again. That's what I have to look forward to tonight. So, if anyone's out there reading this please pray for me tonight, I think it will be a long one.
Shea

a fairy tale - the story of the princess

2006-04-04T06:09:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time in a kingdom far north of the center of the world there lived a man and a woman married and in love. Unlike many fairy tale lovers, they were not wealthy or with great means, but where love was concerned they were in want of nothing. They lived a happy life for years and years resting on the joy of their love, trusting in it, from the moment they began, to heal their hearts of the years of resentment and anguish they suffered at the hands of a cruel and evil world.
You see, before they stole away and married in secret, there were those who had dared to drive them apart, and one day had almost achieved the sinister goals to their vile plans. They did so because these evil ones could not (nor can not even now) stand the sight of true love peering through the darkness, like how the sun breaks through the clouds in strong beams of light on an overcast afternoon in the land by the sea. In those days the beautiful maiden was a princess, the crown jewel of her land, and the star that shined the brightest even among her own family.
There she sat, in those olden days, high upon her throne of gold and diamonds, a princess greater than all the gathering masses, head strong dukes, foriegn kings and Oriental dignitaries who moved and shuffled through the halls of her father's great courtyard and colonade just in short to take one look upon the mere cloud of her winters breath, or the briefest siloutte skirting across her shut window.
Her beauty was known throughout the land and men would speak of her like a wild beast running through the forests, unseen by human eyes, yet known to all; peaceful enough to touch, but deadly if one were to get too close. Men were afraid of her and with good reason, for though her beauty and her outward demeanor was kindly and sweet, innocent and soft, inside a spell was cast over her that left her cold and hard, seathing with hatered, and a fire inside that turn her heart dark, and consume the very soul of any man foolish enough to turn his gaze upon her. This accursed spell was magical, and the great king knew it to be so, and so he hired to his court any number of wizards from far and near to break this great curse, but there were none who could break the magic spell, for there was no way known to break such a spell as this, for it was deep magic -- deeper than any magic ever seen upon this earth.
After years of her solitude, slowly, the royal callers, crowds, and dignitaries began to stop calling the men left the accursed castle and it's fair maiden, many having never seen her in the years they waited, and they walked away to find other more safe loves that were by no means love at all, for their great passion was still for the princess who stole away into the far night of the castles of their mind, while in body they were to love their respective wives. From that day to this not a single wife of one of those men had ever received the total love of their husband, for the deepest parts of his heart would be driven to madness by desire of the one princess he could never have. However, they were the lucky ones, for though she was locked away in the tower of her castle by the sea, she had seen more than a couple of the bravest and most fearless knights, but even they upon gazing into her eyes were stricken with terror at the evil they saw in the deepest reaches of her tender soul. From that day to this, they walk the streets, raving lunatics, drinking at bars till their feelings are dull and their swords so loose in their hands they can bearly keep it up straight. They terrorize the towns they were once heroes of, they too walk in darkness, for now even they share the princess's curse until it is broken by some deep, deep, deep magic that in no way is known to even the greatest of this earth's magicians.
So there the princess sat, seated upon a throne -- alone, wonderous princess of the north land by the sea, waiting for her prince to come and save her from the curse. She waited for a man to come and look into her eyes, deep into her soul and come back alive, to see more than the dark shadows and evil dreams that lurked deep within her but see the true beauty that is still buried deep down, underneath the curse that covered it with such choking force.

2006-03-29T13:37:00.000-08:00

I think I like to sleep. I don't get to do it nearly as much as I'd like to, but I can't really blame anyone but myself. You see I get myself into these perdicaments and I'm like, "crap! I'm going to have to get this done no matter what" The no matter what usually translates into "... instead of sleep." I'll be surprised if I don't come out of here with some sort of sleep issue. On other news, Misti and I are still in the training for this race in July. It's pretty cool running with her as she makes me want to run faster and harder without quitting or giving up. I don't think the issue is so much that she's more adament about running than mantor is, I think she's still new and I want to beat her so desprately that I'm willing to try really hard until I have beaten her... or at least gave my best effort to do so.
On a completely different topic... I wish I fit in here at Trinity. I think more than last year I fit in better, but I still don't feel like I'm the typical or even close to typical guy. I'm not excited about preaching, I'm not excited about working at a church, I'm not even all that excited about most of my classes to be all that honest. My brain just hurts because I can feel my heart shrinking every minute of every day here. I'm sure this has nothing to do with the emphasis of Trinity's ethos but, I realize it's happening none the less. Maybe I'd be a little more excited about this school if I was done with my 15 page paper on the Catholic Church documents of Vatican II that's due tomorrow, HECK! I'd be stoked if I had 10 pages written... but alas I have only 1 done.
The greatest thing I've experienced here are the relationships with my buddies on campus and to an even greater degree with my Youth at the Church. I'm telling you what, a young man in High School has no idea how much he's brainwashed by the people around him and the world at large. Nothing is set up for a student in High School to excel his faith, beyond what the Church is willing to provide through youth groups or other entities like young life. There is in no way a public school telling the students there, "do what you can but, for the sake of all that is Good, do not do everything." To the contrary it seems that the ethos of the public school system is that we want you to be involved in EVERYTHING else you'll not be the head of the class the best in the party. Who needs sleep when you have homework, sports, class work, and any other 15 things to occupy every waking hour of that students time. Good thing too, else that student would have to learn how to actually make a friend that wasn't in school, or he'd have to think for himself as to how he could best spend his time. And here's a novel thought... a parent telling a student "no" you can't do everything. You can however choose what you want to do within the limited scope of what you are capable of doing. Why is it that we can't see we are raising insomniacs, with no capacity of saying no, and no understanding of what is really important to the life that we live!
Man, I sure wish that paper wasn't due tomorrow... or at least wasn't 15 pages.

Shea

blasted computer!

2006-03-27T21:03:00.000-08:00

Today I got home around 5am from the Lightrider overland excursion with the youth group. A pretty wild time I must admit 4 days on a stinky bus, driving across america to God knows where to do God knows what. We skiied, hiked, and ate... so on and so forth. It makes me glad to know that I'm having an impact on these guys. Even the ones I'm not discipling and close to, feel a closeness to me and a trust with me that's pretty unbelievable. It's taken a year for them to be this comfortable with me, and being a patient person, I've been pretty overwhelmed with the speed at which they grown and grown in friendship with me. I think it's been a little tougher for Misti though, at times seeing the impact she's having on her girls. She's not around them 24 - 5 like the last place she was at, and so it's difficult for her to see the great growth of those girls, but last night it became pretty clear to her the impact she's had on them (and the impact they've had on her.) As most anyone knows I'm an emotional guy, but I didn't expect to tear up when I was encouraging sam, after all I was able to encourage all the other 15 people without getting worked up, but when I came to sam, it hit me that he's become more than just a disciple learning under me and friend that I'm mentoring, he's become my right hand in working with those guys and the little brother I haven't had since I was in ministry with DiBella. Pretty neat indeed. There's definitely more to say, but for now, I've said plenty.

Shea

2006-03-21T15:09:00.000-08:00

today I've encountered a new and interesting problem - my future. Yes, I know this must seem shocking to those of you who know me well, and think of me as a by the seat of my pants kinda' guy. My back usually hurts because I'm so stressed out about my stinkin' schedule and my lack of focus on the next two years, what I'm going to do to earn money, so on and so forth. I guess the obvious thought is that there are plenty of jobs out there and it's just a matter of following through and just getting one of them, and to a very great degree I would agree. Then I run up against these talents I've been deemed worthy to get, and I'm forced to reconsider, "how are using what you've been given." and that folks is where things get a little dicey. Lately, I keep running up against this notion of actually doing art for a living (how ridiculous is that?!? not all that crazy.) Well, those three little words that have always plagued me and will continue to do so, are all the answer I seem to have as of yet -- I don't know. Oh well. Guess I just need to be faithful until the Lord sees fit to give me the full answer.

later

Axe - the freshmaker!!!

2006-03-20T14:14:00.000-08:00

One of these days, I'm actually going to write on my blog at my computer at home... at which point I promise I'll have pictures up there, until that day comes my blog will stay severely low tech.
I've found something interesting out about myself here at seminary, if you have to study and you really want to do well, sometimes bathing trumps all things. I'm sure this isn't the case for most people here, but somehow or the other in this strange heirarchy of needs that I have, showering isn't as high a priority as one might think. With the modern day aid of deoderant, I find one can get away with not having to shower very often (assuming that individual isn't training and sweaty). Anyway, I really didn't have time to even write this blog, so I guess I better go.

Shea

Honeymoon in my eyes!

2006-03-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

Honeymoon's are great - it's like having your cake and eating it too, and then having a BarBQ, and a pizza party! I'm pretty stoked to see what this marraige stuff is all about now that the honeymoon is officially over as of monday, I'm pretty sure I have no clue what I'm in for on this matter. So unfortunately for misti and I the HM fun is all over, and the long arduous days of school are to begin again. The bonus here is that instead of this being a downer, I can look at the bright side, remembering that no matter how much school work I have - I still get to sleep with my WIFE at night. Pretty Rad if you ask me (though I know no one is).

And thus it begins...

2006-02-27T16:13:00.000-08:00

I'm officially a nerd.